It was just over two weeks ago on a clear, sunny day that I became acutely aware of the profound impact the ongoing pandemic and resulting social isolation have had on me. This realization struck me, particularly in relation to my parenting, communication, and understanding of my own mental state.
If I were to describe my parenting approach, it would be close to that of a free-range parent. My partner and I encourage our children to explore their surroundings, which is why we chose to live in coastal Maine, allowing them the freedom to roam. Our kids are adventurous, physically capable, and curious. It wasn’t unusual for us to navigate the rocky shoreline together, feeling optimistic about our family outing. In our household, outdoor activities significantly influence our mood, and on that bright day, we were poised for what felt like an ideal family experience.
As my two-and-a-half-year-old son climbed and ventured into new areas, I sensed a shift in my typical comfort with safe risks. When he began to descend, I found myself paralyzed with fear, unable to move as I screamed from a place of deep terror. I envisioned him tumbling over the edge of a cliff into the ocean. Thankfully, my partner, who was observing my reaction with concern, took charge and ensured our son’s safety. He later guided me to the spot in question, revealing that the rock was merely six inches high, not the perilous drop I had imagined.
The tears streamed down my face as I struggled to regain my composure. I realized that I had been reflecting on this incident daily, trying to grasp how I could be so emotionally triggered while being unaware of my nervous system’s state. The answer lies in trauma. A close friend, Mia Anderson, recently pointed out that anything that induces a sense of insecurity can be processed by our minds and bodies as traumatic.
What has been most challenging for me is acknowledging that I am not coping as well as I believed and that my perception of reality has shifted. Experiencing danger where none exists indicates that my sympathetic nervous system—responsible for our fight-or-flight response—is on high alert.
I know I am not alone; many parents are grappling with similar fears as we navigate these unprecedented times. The weight of the emotional labor we hold for our families can be overwhelming. It’s crucial to recognize that we cannot be everything for everyone; this simply isn’t sustainable. I have come to view the ongoing public health crisis as a source of tension, akin to the seismic forces present during an earthquake. The uncertainty we face adds stress to already strained areas of our lives, creating fault lines that can lead to significant emotional upheaval.
We must allow ourselves the space to break down and release accumulated tension. Without this release, we risk an emotional collapse, akin to an earthquake that shakes us to our core.
I share this account as an invitation for you to acknowledge your own struggles. It’s okay to not be okay. Allow yourself to cry until you can breathe again and be gentle with yourself when what seemed like a threat turns out to be nothing more than a monster lurking in the closet.
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In summary, our current circumstances can trigger unexpected fears and emotional responses in parenting. Recognizing these reactions as part of a larger context of stress can help us navigate our feelings more compassionately.