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As a former attorney who dedicated two years to vaccine litigation, I want to share my thoughts on the COVID vaccine.
“Thank goodness!” one of my teenagers exclaimed when I informed them that we had secured vaccine appointments at a clinic an hour away. I joked that it was also Pfizer, masking my own feelings of uncertainty about the situation. After a year of longing for an end to the pandemic, it’s astonishing that a vaccine is what stands between us and a sense of normalcy. As I circle the vaccination dates on my calendar — one appointment and then another 21 days later — I can’t help but wonder if I will truly feel relief on the other side or if it will be something entirely different.
My Journey in Vaccine Litigation
Before I became a mother to three teenagers, I held various roles, but one of the most significant was my early legal career in Washington, D.C., as a judicial clerk for the U.S. Court of Federal Claims. This two-year position was pivotal in shaping my professional journey, particularly my time working with Chief Special Master Gary Golkiewicz, a key figure in the National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program, often referred to as the “Vaccine Court.” This court uniquely handles claims against the government for injuries related to certain vaccines, which streamlines the process for individuals seeking compensation. The Vaccine Act was established in response to a surge in litigation against vaccine manufacturers in the 1970s and 1980s, which had stifled vaccine research and production, leading to a public health crisis.
I conducted an extensive study during my third year of law school at George Washington University evaluating the Vaccine Act’s potential application in other public interest areas. My research yielded no viable conclusions, but I received an A and subsequently secured a position working in the Vaccine Court.
On my first day, the outgoing clerk briefed me on the docket and processes. She reassured me, “Don’t worry. By the end of this, you won’t be cynical about vaccines or their manufacturers. You’ll simply understand how complex everything is.” She was spot on.
Lessons Learned from the Vaccine Court
My two years visiting various locations and hearing cases about vaccine-related injuries was humbling. Chief Special Master Golkiewicz and I often debated evidence and wrestled with decisions. The statute we operated under made causation largely a formulaic issue. If certain symptoms arose within a specific timeframe post-vaccination, causation was presumed. However, many claimants struggled to present scientific backing for their arguments. We encountered heartrending cases where the medical histories of children were so tragic that it was clear why parents sought an outlet for their anger and grief.
Upon completing my clerkship, I had clarity: I wanted to litigate, I wanted to be a mother, and I intended to vaccinate my children — with due diligence. My children’s first pediatrician was patient and attentive, accommodating my request to space out their vaccinations across several visits to ensure they were healthy enough to tolerate them.
Navigating the COVID Vaccine Decision
As more vaccines have been added to the required list, I continue to approach the situation with caution, asking questions and conducting research. I recall those formative days in my legal career, where I learned the importance of understanding rather than succumbing to cynicism.
However, the emotional turmoil I felt when the COVID vaccine became available to teenagers caught me off guard. After a global pandemic, I desperately wanted to believe in something that could restore normalcy, yet I felt a lingering concern that I was rushing into scheduling appointments for my teens at the first available clinic.
After discussing it with my ex-husband, a physician, we concluded that the risk-reward assessment favored vaccination for our children. This joint decision felt significant, especially since we rarely see eye-to-eye anymore.
My teens could drive themselves to the clinic, and their father met them for the first dose. For the second dose, I insisted on driving them, explaining that I had felt foggy after my own second dose. As we made the two-hour round trip, we shared a rare moment of uninterrupted time together, discussing everything from new music releases to summer plans. It was a collective step forward into a post-pandemic future.
Reflections on Vaccination
While waiting the required 15 minutes post-vaccination, I reflected on my experiences in the Vaccine Court. The stories of families I had encountered highlighted the debate over whether vaccines caused their suffering, yet it was undeniable that the Vaccine Act provided them with a form of relief. The Act represented a thoughtful, innovative solution to a pressing issue after thorough risk-reward analysis by lawmakers. Interestingly, it also laid the groundwork for the swift development of the COVID vaccine, rejuvenating the path for vaccine innovation after years of turmoil.
As we returned to the car, I cherished the time spent with my teens. I recognized that while there’s still much to learn, I am grateful for the opportunities vaccination affords them in sports, camps, and school. These are the evident benefits of being fully vaccinated. Whether there are other effects remains unknown, but amid the worry and confusion, I do feel relief. I hold on to it tightly and reflect on the wisdom shared by my predecessor: “Don’t worry. At the end of all this, you won’t be cynical about vaccines or vaccine manufacturers. You’ll just understand how complicated it all is.”
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