Yesterday, as I sat on the couch with my husband, Michael, engaged in the therapeutic pastime of piecing together a jigsaw puzzle—because that’s life in quarantine—I noticed an odd habit of his. It was a peculiar combination of mouth and nose movements that was hard to articulate. It seemed he was deliberately inhaling through his nose and then exhaling audibly through his mouth.
Okay, fine. He was just breathing. But really? Has he always done it this loudly? The sheer audacity! Perhaps he sensed my disapproval, as he quickly excused himself from the room.
In all honesty, I find myself relying on him more than ever during this period. After all, he’s the only one brave enough to venture out for groceries. Before lockdown, we had prepared by stocking up on food, but our kids have developed an insatiable thirst for milk. Thus, a grocery run became necessary, and Michael graciously volunteered to go to Costco. Given that I usually handle the shopping, I figured I should provide him with a list.
The list looked something like this:
- An essential item
- A somewhat important item
- Something I’ve never tried but seems vital
- Toilet Paper
- White Wine
- Milk
- Other minor necessities
Michael braved the lines that wrapped around the building, navigating the one-in, one-out policy, and returned two hours later. By this time, the kids and I were parched and a tad cranky.
As I began to unpack the bags, my heart sank when I found only a single bottle of white wine. Just one. In the midst of a quarantine, this is what I had to work with? Panic set in.
He looked at me with a straight face and said, “Sarah, you don’t even drink white wine.”
Okay, fine. He had a point. Red is my preference, and he knows it. But in these bizarre times, where the rules seem to have vanished, I thought I might give white a shot. Why not, right?
Three hours later, we came to a truce. Moving forward, I would specify wines (plural) on the list, and he would simply follow my instructions.
This is just one of the many ways the COVID quarantine has put my marriage to the test in unexpected manners. The extended time together has forced Michael and me to confront the quirks of our daily lives.
Having been married for nearly a decade, most of our interactions revolved around work and sleep. When I reflect on it, with a 40-hour work week and eight to nine hours of sleep, we typically spend a mere five hours together daily. Those hours are usually consumed by preparing meals, helping with homework, and tucking the kids into bed. Sure, we communicate throughout the day, but like many couples, our quality time is limited.
This quarantine has dramatically altered that dynamic for us and many couples self-isolating together. It’s led to inquiries I never thought I’d ask, like, “Is it necessary to chew so loudly?” or “Must you stand so close?” The mundane details of life—like noticing my husband wear the same sweatpants multiple days in a row—have become focal points of irritation.
These are undeniably strange times for married couples. Just the other day, when my two-year-old daughter, Lily, decided to hide my wedding ring, I nearly contemplated throwing in the towel on the marriage itself—not the search for the ring, but the whole relationship. I was at my wit’s end, overwhelmed by the kids, work, and constant worry. I jokingly suggested a trial separation until the ring was found, only to be met with giggles from my daughter.
Despite the challenges, my love for Michael remains unwavering. The quarantine has forced us into an arrangement that feels far from typical. Instead of five hours a day, we now share about 16 hours together (after accounting for those precious eight hours of sleep). In normal circumstances, we’d spend approximately 300 hours together over six weeks, but now we’ve clocked in 672 hours—an increase of 372 hours.
To put that into perspective, that’s like adding nearly three months to our marriage. And yes, I’m counting those additional 75 days.
This extra time has unearthed new revelations about one another. For instance, I discovered that he remains on conference calls even while using the bathroom. He insists on waking up at 6:00 a.m. just for kicks, dislikes closed blinds before 7:00 p.m., and has taken to shaving off his beard without any discussion. Did he really think I could handle that surprise?
Alongside learning more about Michael, I’ve also gained insights into myself. I can still sleep until 10:00 a.m. (yay for me), would close the blinds at 5:00 p.m. if I could, yell when stressed, and bake as a coping mechanism.
In the end, I’ve come to accept that neither of us is perfect. We don’t have it all together, but together, we truly have it all.
As we look ahead to celebrate our ten-year anniversary this fall—perhaps with a trip to Napa or Mexico—I realize we don’t need to wait for a grand celebration. We’ve already hit a milestone if we count those extra 75 days together. With that in mind, I’ll pop open a bottle of white wine and toast to us—and to all couples navigating this peculiar period at home, even if “home” has become a source of frustration.
For couples exploring home insemination, valuable resources can be found at Cleveland Clinic and Make a Mom. For further reading, check out this other blog post for more insights.
Summary
Quarantine has provided a unique lens through which to view my marriage, revealing both endearing and frustrating aspects of my husband and me. With increased time together, we’ve navigated the challenges of isolation, learning more about each other and ourselves than we ever expected. As we prepare to celebrate our ten-year anniversary, we recognize the significance of our time together—not just the milestones, but the everyday moments that define our relationship.