A few weeks ago, I humorously remarked on social media that the term “homeschooling” should really be replaced with “yell-school.” The pressure to educate our children while navigating the complexities of a pandemic is undeniably stressful. In response to my comment, someone advised me to mask my stress from my kids, insisting that I shouldn’t yell. However, recent research suggests that this approach may not be the best one.
A study conducted by researchers at the University of Washington explored the impacts of parental stress on children. They examined 109 parents and their children in San Francisco, nearly evenly split between mothers and fathers. Each parent was subjected to a stressful public speaking task, followed by a LEGO activity with their children. Some parents were instructed to suppress their emotions, while others were encouraged to act naturally. The results were revealing: parents who attempted to hide their stress were less engaged and supportive during the activity, which in turn caused their children to respond negatively.
Sara Thompson, a researcher in the Department of Human Development at the University of Washington, noted that children are adept at picking up on subtle emotional cues. “If parents are acting normally while hiding their feelings, it sends mixed signals to the children,” she explained. Instead of suppressing emotions, Thompson suggests allowing children to observe healthy conflict resolution.
While the phrase “healthy conflict” might sound ironic, there are constructive ways to discuss stress with children. Parents today face myriad challenges, from balancing work and homeschooling to adapting to social distancing measures. This stress can certainly feel overwhelming at times.
Dr. Lila Johnson, a pediatrician at the University of California, echoed these findings, stating, “The physiological connection between parents and children can reflect either positively or negatively. Concealing emotions doesn’t eliminate them; they manifest in ways that can lead to irritability or overreactions.” This perfectly captures my own experience during these turbulent times.
Rather than hiding our stress, we should be open with our children about how we feel, communicating in an age-appropriate manner. It’s more beneficial to share our emotions than to leave them guessing, which could lead to unnecessary anxiety. “Recognizing your own feelings and those of your child is crucial,” Johnson added. “Children are resilient and can navigate through emotions if given the chance.”
Ultimately, how we handle stress sets a precedent for our children. By modeling open conversations about challenges, we equip them with lifelong coping skills. Although the stress we face may be temporary, the lessons learned can last a lifetime.
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Summary
This article emphasizes the importance of allowing children to witness and understand parental stress. Research indicates that concealing feelings can lead to confusion in children, while healthy emotional expression fosters better coping skills. Open discussions about stress can serve as vital lessons for children as they learn to navigate their own emotions.