Will Someone Please Show Me How to Adult?

home insemination Kit

Hey there! So, today marks my big 40th birthday. I’ve been dyeing my hair for about 15 years now to cover those pesky grays, I slather on wrinkle cream, and my body sounds like a creaky door if I stand up too fast. But honestly? I don’t feel like a grown-up at all.

I keep waiting for that moment—the “aha!” realization—when everything clicks into place, and I finally feel like the adult I’m supposed to be. But let’s face it, that moment seems to be playing hard to get.

When I graduated from college, I thought it was totally normal to still feel like a kid. Landing my first job, moving into my first apartment, and buying my first car felt like steps toward adulthood, yet I still felt like I was just acting the part. Then I got married, and I was convinced that this would finally make me feel like a real adult. We would have serious conversations over fancy meals on our perfectly coordinated dinnerware. But nope, no major emotional shift happened.

I vividly remember how grown-up my parents seemed when I was a kid. By the time they hit my age, they had bought their forever home, set up college funds for us, and traded all their youthful quirks for a more “mature” lifestyle. They didn’t jam out to the latest pop hits; they wore grown-up clothes and religiously followed the news. My mom volunteered at church while my dad referred to his younger coworkers as “those kids.” They weren’t lost in thoughts about purpose or fulfillment—they were too busy providing for us and their community to worry about that stuff. In the process, they didn’t have time to share their wisdom with us.

The birth of my first child was my first real taste of adulthood. I expected it to hit me like a ton of bricks, but it was more of a gentle nudge. Being responsible for another human is no joke, and every now and then, through the haze of sleep deprivation, I’d realize I wasn’t a kid anymore—I had just given birth to one! But then I remembered friends who had kids in high school and college, and they didn’t seem any more “grown-up” than I felt. Once I figured out the whole baby-parenting gig, I was just a woman with a baby, still reading gossip magazines. I was 30, but honestly, that number didn’t make me feel any more adult.

Fast forward to when my oldest started preschool—I looked around during a parents’ meeting and thought, “What am I doing here?” These parents owned homes, drove minivans, and had retirement accounts. They made seasonal wreaths for their doors and sent thank-you notes like it was second nature. They were everything I thought adulthood should look like, and there I was, sporting my Doc Martens and wondering how to fit in. I wanted to be like them, yet I had no clue how to make that happen.

Over the years, I’ve made some progress. I’ve started jotting down important meetings in a notebook, upgraded my shoe game, and believe it or not, I’ve even come to enjoy changing the wreath on the door of the townhouse we bought five years ago. Now that I have four kids, I also drive a minivan—the fanciest vehicle I’ve ever owned! I’ve tried to adopt some grown-up habits from the actual adults around me, yet there are still days when I forget I’m supposed to be one of them. I’m at that age where I could be the parent of an adult myself! Maybe they can teach me how to adult after all.

If you’re interested in more about the journey to parenthood, check out this post on home insemination. And if you’re considering starting your own family, Cryobaby’s at-home insemination kit is a great resource. Also, for detailed information on donor insemination, American Pregnancy has some excellent insight.

Summary

Hitting 40, I reflect on my journey to adulthood, feeling like I’m still figuring it out. From my early years to becoming a parent, I’ve had moments of realization, but I still don’t feel fully grown up. It’s a humorous take on navigating adulthood and the expectations that come with it.