For my partner and me, the journey to starting a family was far from straightforward. We encountered unexplained infertility, which plunged me into a dark emotional state. The bitterness I felt towards others who conceived effortlessly was overwhelming and still lingers beneath the surface. Nearly six years later, after enduring one miscarriage, one D&C, the heartbreaking loss of our stillborn son (whom we named Oliver), and the joy of welcoming our twin daughters through IUI, I often find myself grappling with resentment. I see women effortlessly becoming pregnant with each passing year and can’t help but think, “must be nice.” That frustration resurfaces, reminding me of our difficult path.
While my infertility journey did not involve IVF, it did encompass Clomid, the HSG test, self-injections, numerous blood draws, transvaginal ultrasounds (which I had never heard of until we started treatment), IUI procedures, progesterone suppositories, ovarian assessments, sperm counts, and much more. The emotional scars from this journey are indelibly etched in my heart. They may fade over time, but they will always remain.
If you have experienced or are currently dealing with infertility, you’ll likely resonate with this list and might even have some additions of your own.
You know you’re navigating infertility when:
- The sight of others announcing their pregnancies brings tears to your eyes.
- The phrase “just relax” fills you with rage.
- Complaints about children make you think, “You don’t know how fortunate you are.”
- A stroll past the baby aisle can leave you in tears.
- Hearing a child exclaim “Hi Daddy!” can lead to a public meltdown (yes, this has happened to me at an IKEA café).
- Pregnant women seem to be everywhere—there’s no escaping them!
- Conversations about conceiving become overly clinical.
- You find yourself attending countless baby showers, wondering when it will finally be your turn.
- You possess more knowledge about conception than the average individual.
- You drive to the fertility clinic with a specimen bottle of sperm between your legs to keep it warm.
- The act of “trying” morphs into a task.
- You overcome your fear of needles after countless blood tests.
- You switch from saying “when we have kids” to “if we have kids.”
- Each month brings tears upon the arrival of “Aunt Flo.”
- You delete the Pinterest boards dedicated to your future children.
- Baby photos elicit a mix of happiness and jealousy.
- Social media transforms into a source of anxiety (Facebook? No thanks!).
- You pray daily for the blessing of a child.
- You experience cycles of bitterness.
- You seriously contemplate adopting a second dog.
- You have a cycle-tracking app on your phone that has been of little help.
- You maintain a secret “infertility” board on Pinterest (you know you do… I certainly do!).
- Your closest friends and family are well-informed about your uterus’s condition and your husband’s sperm status.
- A simple diaper commercial can reduce you to tears (thanks a lot, Johnson & Johnson!).
- The announcement of your annual bonus leads to thoughts about how it will fund fertility appointments.
- When a pregnant person complains about morning sickness, you internally scream, “STFU! At least you’re pregnant!”
- You unfollow any Pinterest boards related to children.
- Your refrigerator has a shelf dedicated to your injectable fertility medications.
- You possess a personal sharps container for all of your used needles.
- Your partner takes on the role of nurse, or you learn to administer injections yourself.
- You create an infertility playlist to lift your spirits.
- You text so often about infertility and treatments that your autocorrect starts changing common words to fertility terms—“any” becomes “AMH,” “on” turns into “OB,” “click” is replaced with “Clomid.”
- You endure bloating, bruising, and soreness from injections and hormones.
- You have difficult conversations with your employer about your treatment plans and the need to leave for multiple appointments, often at a moment’s notice.
- You discover a strength within yourself that you never knew existed.
- Each month, despite your efforts not to, you hold onto hope and start the cycle anew.
For more information about fertility options, you might find this resource on IVF helpful. Additionally, if you’re interested in exploring home insemination methods, check out this guide on at-home insemination kits. You might also want to read more about intracervical insemination for additional insights.
In summary, the journey through infertility is fraught with emotional and physical challenges that can leave lasting impacts. Many individuals share similar experiences, and it’s vital to acknowledge those feelings while navigating through this difficult journey.