Motherhood is an emotional journey filled with ups and downs. The joyful moments can be uplifting, while the challenging times can feel overwhelming. There are days when I’m filled with delight as I observe my child’s discoveries, and other moments where I want to escape the chaos and run away from the house! And that’s during ordinary times, before the pandemic made everything more complicated.
Being a mother during a global health crisis has been an unprecedented experience—one that none of us planned for. To label it as hard would be an understatement. It’s more like impossible. These days, I hear “mama” echoing around the house far more often than I hear my own name; I am truly in the role of mama 24/7.
I adore my kids more than anything, but I never envisioned spending every waking moment with them. In normal circumstances, I cherished the breaks that came from school and daycare, allowing me to recharge and return to motherhood refreshed. The pandemic stripped me of those necessary respites, leaving my energy reserves depleted. While there are still joyful moments, the relentless togetherness can be draining.
I know many mothers are sharing this extended experience of motherhood with me. However, unlike in normal times, we can’t gather over coffee or cocktails to share our feelings. We’re all stuck in a cycle of pretend play, virtual learning, meal prep, emotional support, and cleaning, while juggling work and responsibilities. It’s a monotonous routine of waking, repeating, and trying to maintain some semblance of our identities outside of motherhood.
As a photographer, the pandemic offered an intriguing narrative to explore—the dynamics of family life under lockdown. Unfortunately, my usual work photographing clients was halted, so I turned to the one source of subjects I had available: my own family. I embarked on a self-portrait series with my children, a creative outlet that helped me process the myriad emotions of being a parent during this trying time. Not only did we have fun, but my children also witnessed my passion for photography, realizing there’s more to me than just being their mother.
Now that we are together constantly, “help” comes in abundance. My laundry, for instance, often gets folded multiple times: first by my children, then re-folded by me, and sometimes re-dumped on the floor during play, only to be finally completed late at night with a glass of wine.
With our constant presence at home, the refrigerator has become a source of endless requests. My kids seem to be perpetually hungry, and endless inquiries about snacks fill the air. I sometimes wish I could just hide the fridge, much like I do with the noisy toys relatives send, but it’s far too large to conceal.
We are finding joy in previously mundane moments. At the beginning of the pandemic, I felt the urge to create extraordinary experiences for my kids, thinking they needed excitement to compensate for what they were missing. In reality, simply spending quality time together was enough.
Driving has transformed from a simple transportation method to an adventure in itself. We often take drives just to break the monotony, gaining a glimpse of our community, which feels both comforting and melancholic. It’s a chance for me to gather my thoughts while the kids are safely buckled in.
Working from home with children is like attempting to write a paragraph one word at a time throughout the day. Each email I manage to send feels like a monumental victory. And let’s be real, typos are now just part of my new normal.
Some days I feel like Super Mom; everything aligns perfectly, and I can effortlessly engage in my kids’ play. Their joy at my participation is contagious, and it brings me happiness to see their excitement. But then, there are days when I struggle to embrace my role. Before the pandemic, those were the days I could arrange playdates or call for babysitters. Now, such escapes are impossible, making those moments of confinement the hardest to bear.
Getting outside in the sun significantly boosts my energy levels. We go on walks, and I often yield to my children’s requests to bring along various items. I know this will slow us down, but it’s part of the adventure. Whether it’s their bikes or a favorite book, I embrace the distractions, even if it means we’ll be out for ages.
If I’m fortunate, I can sneak in a nap, but the moment I try to rest, my kids flock to me. It’s as if there’s an invisible force pulling them towards me, and I can’t help but wonder if they are in on some kind of joke!
Even amid chaos, my girls find joy, and their smiles are what keeps me motivated. The pandemic has given us the chance to experiment with new recipes. My kids love baking, and while I’m undecided about enjoying the process, the sweet treats make it worthwhile—except for the infamous banana bread mishap!
I’ve come to accept that I can’t be the perfect mom all the time, and that’s okay. My kids don’t require my undivided attention every moment. When they give me space, I gladly take it.
Sometimes, when life feels overwhelming, I revert to childlike joy, riding a tricycle instead of folding laundry. After all, when you’re at home, who cares if clothes are wrinkled?
Somehow, we’re managing to navigate this whirlwind, one day and one activity at a time. It’s exhausting, yet we’re doing it.
When the weight of motherhood feels heavy, I remind myself that I am a constant in my children’s lives. In these unpredictable times, my presence is a source of stability, and although I may not always excel, I show up, and my love remains unwavering.
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Summary:
The article explores the challenges and emotional journey of motherhood during the pandemic. It reflects on the constant presence of children, the loss of personal time, and the exhaustion that comes with this new reality. The author shares creative outlets, such as a self-portrait series with her children, and emphasizes the importance of finding joy in everyday moments despite the chaos. Ultimately, it highlights the resilience and love that mothers bring to their families during uncertain times.