You’ve likely heard about the notorious terrible twos, but it’s important to know that things can get even more challenging when it comes to separation anxiety in toddlers. Your little one may be exploring their independence, taking those first steps, but they might not be quite ready to be apart from you just yet. Even if they handle a short separation (like a quick visit with relatives), you may find them clinging to you the moment you return, as if to say, “Don’t ever leave me again!“
Much like separation anxiety in infants, this phenomenon in toddlers arises from their need for the security you provide. However, unlike babies, toddlers are at a stage where their independence fluctuates. One moment they might seem fine with you leaving them with a babysitter, and the next, they could throw a tantrum at the mere thought of you stepping out of the room at night. Welcome to the world of toddler separation anxiety; we’ll help you navigate this tricky developmental milestone.
What is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety, often referred to as separation protest, occurs when your child realizes that objects continue to exist even when they are out of sight — including their parents. They understand that when you leave, you’re still somewhere nearby. However, toddlers lack an understanding of time, so minutes might feel like hours and hours could seem like an eternity. This uncertainty can lead to feelings of insecurity and fear, prompting them to cry when you say “goodnight” or cling to your legs as you attempt to leave the house.
Typically, separation anxiety appears around six to nine months, peaks between 15 to 18 months, and typically lessens around the age of three. However, every child is unique; some may skip this phase in infancy and experience it later, while others might have bouts of anxiety at different ages.
Do Toddlers Experience Separation Anxiety at Night?
Yes, nighttime separation anxiety is quite common among toddlers. Many kids experience anxiety at bedtime, which can lead to prolonged tantrums and resistance to naps. You might find that your little one refuses to sleep or cries when nap time rolls around.
How to Manage Separation Anxiety in Toddlers
What should you do when your toddler is in meltdown mode every time you leave them at daycare or even just to go to another room? Here are some strategies to help you through this phase:
- Create a Soothing Bedtime Routine: Establishing a calming bedtime routine can significantly ease your child’s anxiety. Try activities like drawing a warm bath, brushing their teeth, reading a story, and snuggling with a favorite toy. Consistency is key, as your child thrives on predictability.
- Keep Goodbyes Brief and Affectionate: When saying goodbye, aim for a quick and loving farewell. Think of it like removing a bandage — the faster you do it, the less painful it will be. Reassure them you’ll return soon, and remember to keep your own emotions in check; children can easily sense your anxiety.
- Avoid Sneaking Away: While it may be tempting to slip out unnoticed, this tactic can heighten your child’s feelings of insecurity. Instead, let them know you’re leaving and ensure they see you walk out.
- Recognize Their Feelings, But Stay Firm: Acknowledge your child’s feelings of anxiety. Comfort them, but avoid giving in to requests for extended playtime or additional stories. This can create habits that reinforce their anxiety.
- Depart When They’re Content: If possible, time your departures when your toddler is happy, such as during snack time or while watching a favorite show. A good mood can ease the transition.
- Keep Your Promises: If you assure your child you’ll be back at a certain time or plan to do something special together, make sure to follow through. Trust builds their confidence and helps them feel secure during separations.
What is Stranger Anxiety?
Alongside separation anxiety, many toddlers experience stranger anxiety, reacting strongly to unfamiliar faces. This is part of their development, as they learn to recognize familiar people versus strangers. Stranger anxiety typically surfaces around eight to nine months and fades by age two. While it can be frustrating, especially when finding a babysitter, it’s a sign of growth. Simply remain calm and patient, and they will gradually become accustomed to new individuals.
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