In November, a month dedicated to raising awareness about adoption, we often encounter uplifting tales of families coming together and statistics highlighting the number of children in need of homes in the U.S. foster care system. As a white adoptive mother of six, I have become accustomed to these narratives, often overlooking the deeper, more troubling issues surrounding adoption.
Recently, I came across a striking graphic on a message board that bluntly stated, “Adoption ruins lives.” This message, intended to challenge the prevalent #adoptionsaveslives sentiment, made me uncomfortable. However, 2020 has taught us that discomfort can lead to meaningful change. Instead of dismissing this statement, I chose to confront my own role in perpetuating a narrative that often glosses over the complexities of transracial adoption.
When my husband and I decided to become foster parents seven years ago, we were somewhat naive. Growing up near a foster home, I had always aspired to become a foster and adoptive parent, viewing it as a noble goal. After receiving our first placement, an African-American baby girl, I was buoyed by praise from friends and family and largely ignored criticism from her biological family regarding my parenting choices.
However, as I became more aware of systemic racism within the foster care system and the potential harm that transracial adoption can inflict on children and their biological families, I felt a sense of paralysis. I realized I needed to actively engage in the conversation and advocate for my children.
In the wake of George Floyd’s death, while I shared my support on social media, my daughters took action by organizing a fundraising event that brought in over $400 for a nonprofit dedicated to combating social disparities. Their initiative inspired me to reflect on how I could contribute positively.
I began following transracial adoptees and learning about the issues they face, such as the white savior complex, the problematic nature of hashtags like #adoptionrocks, and the insensitivity of celebrating “Gotcha Days.” I recalled experiences where my children faced challenges in predominantly white environments, leading me to reevaluate my responses to those situations.
Researching the disparities in school disciplinary actions and mental health outcomes for adopted children opened my eyes to the systemic injustices that affect my kids. I recognized my previous mistakes in vilifying birth families and began working to repair those relationships.
The journey of understanding is ongoing, and I know I have a long way to go. However, I believe it is crucial for white adoptive parents to move beyond mere expressions of goodwill and leverage our privilege to dismantle the systems that harm many lives. It is time to volunteer, donate, educate, and amplify Black voices, ensuring our children see their identities reflected positively.
Adoption, particularly transracial adoption, can often lead to difficult realities. It is our responsibility to advocate for change and support our children in navigating these challenges.
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In summary, while adoption can bring joy, we must recognize the complexities and challenges it can also present. It is essential for adoptive parents, particularly those from different racial backgrounds than their children, to engage actively in understanding and addressing these issues.