Menu: Getting Pregnant
The Untold Complexities of Achieving Pregnancy
by Emma Carter
Updated: June 1, 2021
Originally Published: Dec. 3, 2020
I honestly can’t recall much about my feelings regarding pregnancy before becoming a parent. I had envisioned discomfort, constant hunger, and a longing for wine and sushi.
Prior to having my first child, I observed many women around me as they navigated the journey of creating life within them. They shared bits of wisdom, which I absorbed like a foreign language. I would squint at their growing bellies, questioning if I would ever grasp the meanings behind their words.
In hindsight, I wish I had documented my thoughts before experiencing pregnancy, because now I am fluent in this language. Motherhood has become a defining part of my identity. Once I embarked on the journey of having children, there was no turning back – even my memories have shifted.
However, one thing has consistently troubled me before and after becoming a parent: the sheer complexity and confusion surrounding conception. It is astonishing how little preparation is available for such a monumental life event.
What I’ve learned is that creating a baby is a game without strict rules – what succeeds for one person may fail for another. Each step feels like navigating a minefield of conception uncertainty. You long to hit that lucky spot, yet the path is unclear.
My daughter arrived after two miscarriages and countless attempts suggested by an app that left us exhausted and frustrated. We nearly gave up after two years following our first loss, but that third positive pregnancy test finally turned us into parents.
Just nine months later, we discovered I was pregnant again. We had only begun discussing the prospect of a second child when my son unexpectedly joined us. He resembled his sister so closely and was an incredible surprise.
My partner still seems bewildered when discussing the pregnancy journey. He often remarks on how painful and challenging it can be. In our youth, we were taught about pregnancy in a straightforward manner – have unprotected intercourse, sperm meets egg, and babies are born.
The reality, however, is far more intricate.
I know friends who conceived on their first attempt and others who spent years trying to have a child. I’ve witnessed various paths to parenthood, including IUI, IVF, surrogacy, and adoption. Some families eventually stopped trying altogether. Others, like myself, spent their savings on infertility treatments only to become miraculously pregnant naturally later.
Many experience losses at different stages, while others face the heartbreaking reality of losing a child after delivery. Yet, some, like me with my son, experience a relatively straightforward pregnancy and deliver healthy babies.
This illustrates the problem: we often enter the pregnancy journey blind to the realities and uncertainties that lie ahead. There is no definitive guide or checklist that guarantees success.
Of course, medical professionals offer educated suggestions on how to increase the chances of conception, and some advice may indeed help certain individuals. Yet, sadly, even experts cannot promise what will work for you or me.
Throughout my fertility journey, I encountered a multitude of unsolicited advice – exercise more, try acupuncture, eliminate processed foods, have less sex to boost sperm count, have more sex to increase chances, and, the most frustrating, “just relax and stop trying” (which never made sense to me). While everyone means well, no one truly has the answers.
Sometimes I wish someone had candidly discussed the potential hurdles before we embarked on this journey. I realize it wouldn’t have altered my path to motherhood, but I felt somewhat misled by the limited knowledge surrounding the delicate nature of fertility.
In my second pregnancy, I experienced bleeding early on, and everyone assured me it would be fine. When I ultimately miscarried, I felt an overwhelming urge to shout at them in anger, demanding to know why.
Yet, deep down, I understand why this topic often goes unmentioned – simply because people don’t know. The likelihood of a successful pregnancy is just as possible as that of a loss.
Pregnancy is meant to symbolize life and renewal—it’s the beginning of a hopeful chapter for parents-to-be. Thus, we tend to push negative thoughts aside, clinging to the hope that everything will turn out fine.
The truth is, anything can happen on the path to parenthood, as pregnancy is a blend of miracles and mysteries. There are countless factors within our bodies and lives that make it impossible to predict how things will unfold. There is no guarantee of success or any way to foresee your unique journey.
So, to all the hopeful mothers out there, my advice is to persevere. Families are formed through various means, and just because your path doesn’t follow a conventional route, it doesn’t make it wrong. Instead, it signifies the journey that is uniquely yours.
For further information, you can read more about the complexities of conception on this blog post, or explore this resource for additional insights into pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re looking for an authority in the field, consider this kit for your journey.
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Summary:
The journey to pregnancy is often filled with complexities and uncertainties that many fail to discuss. From the emotional rollercoaster of previous losses to the myriad of advice and experiences shared by others, each person’s path is unique. The process is unpredictable, and there are no guaranteed outcomes. It’s vital for hopeful parents to remain resilient and understand that there is no right way to create a family; each journey is valid and meaningful.