Updated: April 29, 2021
Originally Published: Dec. 9, 2020
From the moment my daughter, Lila, entered the world, breastfeeding felt instinctual for her. Her latch was flawless right from the start, and except for a few battles with thrush, our nursing journey has been smooth sailing. I’ve been exclusively breastfeeding her for 18 months now.
In contrast, my experience with my first child, Noah, was quite different. Born a week and a half earlier than Lila at 38 weeks and 6 days, both of my children were healthy. However, Noah struggled to latch correctly. Despite multiple lactation consultants showing me various techniques, he would often drift off to sleep after just a couple of suckles.
After being sent home with a poorly fitting nipple shield, my milk supply began to dwindle. Even though I pumped consistently for three months, my supply was gradually decreasing, partly due to my decision to supplement with formula.
Worried that Noah wasn’t getting enough nourishment, I turned to the formula the hospital provided when he was particularly fussy one night and only slept in short bursts. The relief I felt when he gulped down that formula and then slept soundly was immense, but it was quickly overshadowed by guilt. I felt like a failure for not being able to breastfeed Noah.
How could feeding him from my own body be so complicated? I wanted to provide him with the very best. Thus began my quest to find what I believed to be the healthiest formula. After a lot of searching, I settled on an organic brand that smelled surprisingly like coffee creamer. Noah loved it and finished every last drop, which was a small victory, but the guilt lingered.
Every time I sought comfort online, I was bombarded with articles proclaiming “Breast Is Best,” which only intensified my feelings of inadequacy. Ultimately, I realized that my decision to switch to formula was rooted in my desire to ensure Noah wasn’t hungry, rather than being selfish. My child’s well-being would always take precedence over societal pressures.
Once I came to this understanding, the guilt faded. How I choose to feed my baby—whether breast milk or formula—does not define my worth as a mother. What truly matters is doing what’s best for our family.
Reflecting on Noah’s birth brings back memories of pure bliss. I was captivated by him, enveloped in the joys of motherhood. But I wish I had savored that time without guilt clouding my thoughts.
Now, Noah is nearly four years old, and just like his sister, he’s perfect in every way. He was primarily formula-fed and has only been mildly sick a couple of times. Our bond is just as strong as the one I share with my breastfed daughter. I see no differences between them in terms of health, intelligence, or our connection based on how they were fed.
Whether you breastfeed, pump, or use formula, remember that you are doing an incredible job, regardless of any insecurities or outside opinions. It doesn’t matter if you breastfed for a week or six months, or if you decided against it from the start. Let go of the guilt. Prioritizing what’s best for you is also what’s best for your baby.
Every mother has her unique story that deserves respect and honor. If you’ve faced shaming from other moms for not breastfeeding, know that you’re not alone, and I empathize with your experience, especially during the delicate postpartum period.
I hope for a future where formula feeding is normalized as a valuable and nutritious alternative to breast milk. Regardless of how they were fed, my children are thriving, happy, and deeply connected to me. Their well-being is rooted in love, not in the method of feeding.
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Summary:
Feeding choices do not define a mother’s worth. Every mother has a unique journey, whether through breastfeeding or formula feeding. Prioritizing a child’s well-being over societal pressures is crucial. Guilt surrounding feeding choices can be overcome, as love and care determine the strength of the mother-child bond.