I can still recall how two questions caught in my throat the evening my partner, Jake, announced that he wasn’t taking me to just any Halloween bash. The first was, “Are you serious?” and the second, “Can we please just go to a diner instead?” Jake made this revelation as we sped down the highway, costumed and crammed into his trusty, slightly worn-out jeep. Just minutes away from a two-hour drive, it seemed his timing was intentional. I would appear to be a party pooper if I voiced my objections, and he knew it.
Embracing Differences
When Jake and I began our relationship, we made it a point to openly discuss our differences. In any relationship, respect is the cornerstone of a strong foundation. Without it, there’s nothing to build on. If you don’t believe me, just ask leading relationship coaches who emphasize that respect is vital for happiness. If respect is the foundation, then accepting each other’s differences is the pinnacle of a healthy relationship.
Jake was into BDSM and social events. I preferred cozying up with a good video game on my couch. He enjoyed adult gatherings, while I was more of a Chuck E. Cheese kind of girl. This contrast is why we, like about 20% of the American population, chose to explore an open relationship. We shared many interests but wanted the freedom to embrace our individual preferences. As long as safety is maintained, who cares what people do?
Most of the time, Jake understood this. But that night, he crossed a line in a significant way. Before we started dating, he had jokingly said, “Remind me never to take you to one of those gatherings I enjoy.” Apparently, he had forgotten.
“Do This for Me”
The car finally came to a stop in front of a large house, where party-goers filled the driveway. Jake flashed a pleading grin that almost revealed dimples through his beard. “Come on, it’s a small crowd. Plus, there are people from work here, some guys we met at the haunt,” he said, holding my hand in a gentle manner. “You might have fun.”
But “fun” was the last word that came to mind when I stepped into the humid house, where Halloween-themed balloons were scattered across the hardwood floor. Feeling out of place, I stayed close to Jake as he began to socialize, greeting a lovely blonde in a playful scarecrow costume. She leaned in and called him “Jakey” while I turned away, scanning the room. Curiosity had gotten me out of Jake’s vehicle; I had envisioned a potluck with homemade potato salad or perhaps a scene straight out of an Eyes Wide Shut fantasy, but the party just felt… ordinary.
This was supposed to be a night of excitement, I thought. Where was the wildness? I attempted to lighten the mood with a joke, but it didn’t quite land.
“Do this for me,” Jake whispered as he leaned closer, sensing my discomfort. I should have made a stronger case against the situation. Jake didn’t have to persuade me much to enter. Maybe I did need to let loose a little. Like any supportive partner, I wanted to be there for him. But no one can change who they are, at least not and be content. Jake had to know this.
Instead of communicating effectively, I muttered, “I’m going to step outside and see if I know anyone.”
An Unexpected Encounter
For whatever reason, the backyard had turned into a gathering spot for a round of strip volleyball. I found a spot on a weathered lounge chair, one of the few places not taken by couples. I watched as the game unfolded in the shallow end of the pool, where playful laughter and cheers filled the air.
Suddenly, a warm body slid down beside me. I accidentally brushed against a stranger’s thigh as I tried to adjust. “Hey,” he said, casually brushing his dark hair off his shoulders. “I think I’ve seen you somewhere before.”
I recognized many faces from the haunt but didn’t recall him. Perhaps that unfamiliarity is why I let my guard down, turning toward him instead of retreating inside. He was attractive in a slightly dangerous way, and as he placed his hand near my shoulder, I felt a rush of mixed emotions.
“Maybe you will have fun,” I thought, relaxing into his touch until he emitted a low moan that jolted me back to reality. I pushed his hand away, stood up, and headed inside, feeling the heat of embarrassment.
“Fuckin’ prude,” he muttered, now holding a cigarette with black lipstick marks on it. “Why are you even here?”
Searching for Jake
I went back inside to find Jake and possibly arrange a ride home. Weaving through the crowd, I spotted him sitting on a purple-tinted couch near a bobbing-for-apples station. A young woman, one of our fellow haunt performers, was beside him, engaged in conversation. She leaned in closely, her hand resting on Jake’s belly as she spoke.
“Can we please go?” I asked, offering an apologetic smile to the girl beside him. “I can find a ride if I need to.”
“The party ends at two, relax. Go find someone,” Jake replied, while the girl beside him chimed in, “You should really give it a shot!”
A few hours later, I lay in bed, sending a text to a friend who had kindly picked me up. As I closed my eyes, I replayed the events of the evening. After the girl’s suggestion, I had turned her down and attempted to leave when Jake stopped me.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Home,” I replied firmly. “Please let me go.”
“Why are you being a prude?” he shot back.
It’s amazing how one word can carry so much weight. I could tell Jake thought this would shame me into staying, but I was resolute. Standing your ground and establishing clear boundaries is just as crucial as accepting others for who they are. I left without regret.
If someone tries to pressure you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with, it’s a sign they don’t genuinely care about you.
This article was originally published on Dec. 18, 2020.
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Summary:
In a candid recount of an unexpected night, Clara shares her experience when her partner, Jake, took her to an adult gathering instead of a typical Halloween party. Initially hesitant and feeling out of place, she navigates through the event while grappling with her boundaries and the pressure to fit in. Ultimately, she asserts her right to discomfort, leaving the party without regrets. The narrative explores themes of respect, personal boundaries, and the importance of being true to oneself.