For four hours each day, I found myself commuting from my home in Connecticut to my job in midtown Manhattan. Initially, this travel time felt like a much-needed escape from the constant energy of my kids. It offered me a chance to meditate, read, or simply gaze out the window of the Metro-North train before diving into my workday at 8 a.m. I would hop off the train, drop my coat and lunch, and rush to my desk, grabbing coffee on the way. I would then work tirelessly until it was time for the two-hour ride back home.
That was until March, when everything changed.
The pandemic forced me to reevaluate my routine. With remote work now the norm, I realized just how much I needed that commuting break. While I no longer travel to New York, I’m still grateful to have my job. Being at home, managing my three children’s education, ensuring they are fed and safe, all while being present for work, has taught me important lessons about setting boundaries—something I’ve struggled with throughout my life.
Establishing Boundaries
Establishing boundaries is essential for my mental well-being. I learned to say “no” back in college, but COVID-19 has prompted me to reclaim my voice and advocate for my needs and those of my children. I’ve had to prioritize my responsibilities, sometimes declining work calls to assist my twins with their kindergarten lessons or to make sure they’re logged into their virtual classes.
A report from CNN Money in 2015 highlighted that women were working an average of 7 hours and 49 minutes a day, while only getting about 7 hours and 56 minutes of sleep. Now that I work from home, it’s all too easy to extend work hours into my personal time, especially when kids are asleep or during a Netflix binge. What’s equally easy, though, is choosing to disconnect. I’ve found the strength to close my laptop, silence my phone, and allow some emails to wait until my workday begins again.
Logging Off
On Fridays, I make a conscious effort to log off, almost tempted to delete my Google app from my phone. I stop checking emails after 5 p.m. and refrain from work-related messages over the weekend. My job does have occasional emergency calls, but they are rare.
I’ve discovered that logging off doesn’t mean I’m missing out on critical work communications; rather, I’m gaining precious time for myself. This newfound freedom allows me to enjoy a glass of wine at 5:01 p.m., binge-watch “Bridgerton” on a Saturday, or attend virtual church services on Sunday. I’ve embraced my right to reclaim my time, as Representative Maxine Waters famously said, and savor the moments that were once lost.
While I appreciate my role at the nonprofit where I work and recognize the impact I can make, the pandemic has tested my mental and emotional strength in ways I never anticipated. Through it all, I’ve learned that I don’t need to apologize for prioritizing my own needs.
The Challenge of Motherhood
Being a mother is undoubtedly challenging, and we often prioritize our children’s needs over our own. However, the pandemic has empowered me to put myself first without guilt. Maintaining my emotional and mental health requires establishing clear boundaries between work and personal life, which ultimately supports my family.
Let’s face it: guilt can creep in, looking like an unwelcome guest that refuses to leave. I sometimes feel bad for rescheduling a meeting because my kids’ teachers shifted their class timing or for declining a work call to focus on my children. But I’ve come to accept that I cannot be everything to everyone. It’s simply impossible to excel at work, be the mom who bakes cookies from scratch every week, and have dinner ready for my partner without letting something slip.
I’m reclaiming my center and establishing boundaries: logging off at the end of my workday, not checking emails while bathing my kids, and focusing on being present. COVID-19 may one day be a distant memory, but the boundaries I’ve set and the choices I’m making now will remain. By using my voice to decline work obligations or reschedule meetings, I’m not only empowering myself but also teaching my kids that balance is attainable when we prioritize our well-being.
Further Reading
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Summary
In the face of working mom burnout exacerbated by the pandemic, I’ve learned to prioritize my needs by setting clear boundaries between work and family life. While commuting once offered a much-needed break, the shift to remote work has forced me to reclaim my time and voice. By logging off after hours, I’ve discovered the importance of self-care and the ability to teach my kids about balance.