Breastfeeding can be incredibly tough. The act of pumping is daunting, and the pressure to supply breast milk for my children has become one of my least enjoyable experiences of motherhood. While I cherish the moments of nursing—watching my baby gaze up at me with those innocent eyes, her tiny hand resting on me—everything else surrounding breastfeeding has been overwhelming. It turns out that actual nursing constitutes only about 10% of the entire breastfeeding experience. This is knowledge I never gained from the media, college, medical school, or even my pediatrics residency. Here I am, a certified pediatrician, candidly admitting how challenging breastfeeding has been for me.
I once imagined myself as one of those laid-back, free-spirited mothers who would nurse my little ones until they turned two. I envisioned a peaceful bedtime routine with breastfeeding at its core. Yet with my first child, it was a whirlwind of difficulties. She struggled to latch, and despite the lactation consultants’ visits to my home, we faced numerous challenges. They suggested using a syringe while having her latch onto my finger, but each feeding session turned into a marathon lasting 90 minutes. We were told to feed every two hours, leaving me just enough time to cry, use the restroom, pump, and repeat. The advice against giving a pacifier until a “healthy breastfeeding relationship” was established felt like a cruel joke. Anyone who has witnessed a new mother—still recovering postpartum, trying to get a baby to latch, or pumping at 2 a.m.—would understand the absurdity of that recommendation.
Eventually, my baby did latch at around three weeks old, but I was left with the exhausting routine of pumping 8-10 times a day until then. To my dismay, she wasn’t gaining weight. I saw her growth percentiles plummet, and with three bloody diapers, we were confronted with another recommendation: eliminate dairy and soy from my diet. It was a miserable experience, as soy is present in almost everything. Dining out became a challenge; at one restaurant, my only options were brown rice and broccoli. If only those who impose such dietary restrictions on breastfeeding mothers could witness the struggle!
Despite my efforts, my baby still didn’t gain an ounce. Our pediatrician eventually suggested it was time to switch to formula. I found myself crying multiple times a day, feeling a profound sense of loss as I poured my hard-earned milk down the sink. The guilt was suffocating. All those late-night pumping sessions and consultations felt futile as my child became a formula-fed baby.
The emotional toll from my first experience made the thought of going through it again terrifying, leading me to seek therapy. When my second baby arrived, I promised myself I would be kinder. However, we encountered latch issues again, requiring a procedure to help her. Thankfully, this time we developed a successful breastfeeding relationship. But then, as I returned to work amidst a pandemic, my milk supply started to dwindle. Juggling patient appointments and pumping sessions became a dizzying challenge, and my supply decreased to nearly nothing. I found myself nursing my second baby, only to have her still hungry afterward, relying on formula for the rest.
I keep reminding myself: you are still a good mom. Even if you choose to nap instead of pump, or if her dad gives her a bottle of formula, it’s okay. You are still a good mom. Despite all the decisions I made that led to less breast milk for my baby, I need to acknowledge my efforts.
Breastfeeding has been one of the hardest aspects of motherhood, and it’s time we give mothers a break regarding breast milk. Let’s collectively agree that when our babies take their first breath, we won’t weigh ourselves down with the pressures of breastfeeding. You are still a good mom.
If you’re interested in more insights on motherhood, check out our other blog posts, like those on home insemination techniques here. For those seeking guidance on the journey of parenthood, Healthline offers excellent resources. Additionally, for at-home insemination kits, you can visit Make A Mom, an authoritative source for this topic.
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Summary:
Breastfeeding can be a daunting experience for many mothers, often overshadowed by the pressure to provide breast milk. Dr. Emma Johnson candidly shares her struggles, from latch difficulties and dietary restrictions to feelings of guilt and shame when switching to formula. She emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and support for all mothers, reminding us that being a good mom transcends breastfeeding success.