As a pediatrician, I’ve seen countless children receive their booster vaccinations before starting kindergarten. Each child faces the experience differently, often reflecting their unique personalities. My daughter cried out for a wheelchair after her shot, while my son, with tears in his eyes, lamented, “You shouldn’t have let her do that to me.” My other son, however, stormed out, exclaiming, “I didn’t like that!” Each child leaves with a band-aid on their thigh—a reminder of their experience, but also a symbol of the protection they gain. Many keep those band-aids on for days as a badge of what they’ve endured.
Recently, I received my first COVID vaccine. As I approached the entrance, I was surrounded by dedicated hospital staff who have persevered through this pandemic with immense effort. When I turned a corner, I was met with cheers and applause. The atmosphere was festive, with holiday hats, balloons, and the uplifting sounds of Johnny Mathis singing “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”
I was taken aback when emotions surged, and tears filled my eyes as I entered to get vaccinated. After receiving the shot and my bright yellow band-aid, I settled down to observe for any reactions, still reflecting on my tears and whether I was the only one feeling this way.
Being in the medical field teaches one to stay composed during crises. We learn to compartmentalize our feelings, focusing on the next patient rather than grieving each situation. Navigating this emotional landscape for months on end can be overwhelming. We’ve witnessed pleas from doctors urging the public to take the pandemic seriously, while nurses struggle to suppress their emotions after caring for countless dying patients. They’ve not only provided medical care but have also stood in for families unable to be with their loved ones during their final moments. The weight of this responsibility is unimaginable.
One of my colleagues also found herself in tears after her vaccination, expressing, “A weight lifts immediately. It feels thrilling and groundbreaking. In that moment, I recognized the immense stress we’ve all been under.”
I left with my neon yellow band-aid, symbolic of the journey we’ve shared with my colleagues, all wearing the same badge of resilience. The following day, I hesitated to remove my band-aid, much like a child reluctant to let go of a sign of their bravery. It represented our collective experiences, the relief of being vaccinated, and the hope that this pandemic might be drawing to a close.
Earlier this year, my partner and I listened to Dr. Fauci speak, and we were moved. In a world filled with division and misinformation, hearing a knowledgeable physician reminded us of the dedicated individuals striving to make things right.
My tears represented grief for the countless lives lost to COVID-19 in our country. They also came with a profound gratitude for the good that still exists. I felt thankful for the hospital employees who cheered as we entered, marking what we hope is the end of this pandemic. I expressed my gratitude for the brilliant scientists who developed the vaccine so quickly, as well as for all the workers—research scientists, nurses, doctors, and many others—who contributed to this monumental effort.
My tears also acknowledged the essential workers in grocery stores and delivery services who kept our country moving, alongside those who managed to work from home while balancing family duties. I appreciated the teachers who, in their PPE, are educating the next generation, paving the way for future leaders like Dr. Fauci.
So yes, I cried when I received my COVID vaccine. Unlike the tears of fear and anger seen in my pediatric office, mine were tears of relief, gratitude, and respect for those who dedicate themselves to their work. My band-aid is not just a sign of protection for me and my loved ones against COVID but also a symbol of hope for a brighter future, free from the isolation and fear we’ve faced.
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Summary:
The author reflects on her emotional experience receiving the COVID vaccine, paralleling it with the reactions of children during vaccinations. She expresses gratitude for the medical staff and essential workers while highlighting the collective trauma of the pandemic. The neon yellow band-aid symbolizes hope and protection, reminiscent of the resilience shown by the community during this challenging time.