From a young age, I was never the slender type. I’ve always had a fuller figure, a fact that became painfully apparent during my early teenage years. By the time I was in 8th grade, I was already acutely aware of my body’s differences when searching for a graduation dress. This struggle with body image persisted through high school, college, and even during my pregnancies. However, it wasn’t until the fall of 2018 that I began to truly embrace self-acceptance, regardless of my size.
This journey towards self-love is ongoing and will take time to counteract years of negative self-talk and societal conditioning. Additionally, I had to contend with my partner’s negative perceptions of body size. He was, in fact, fat-phobic. His fear of fatness didn’t stem from personal insecurity but rather allowed him to criticize and undermine my worth based on my appearance.
We met in 2008 during a tumultuous period in my life marked by disordered eating. Initially, I hid my eating issues, leading him to notice my tendency to avoid meals in his presence. He wanted me to share my vulnerabilities with him, promising his support — a promise I believed.
The first warning sign I overlooked appeared as an 18th birthday gift: workout clothes. This included two tight spandex tank tops, shorts a size too small, and running shoes. I hadn’t run since middle school, nor had I shown interest in doing so. When I suggested exchanging the items for a better fit, he responded, “Just keep them. Use them as motivation to become a smaller version of yourself.” His implication was clear: my current self was unacceptable.
These conversations continued, especially during my first pregnancy, where he closely monitored my weight. Despite my doctor assuring me of my baby’s health, he often raised concerns about my weight. When I questioned his fixation, he insisted he found me beautiful but was simply worried about the baby’s well-being. After giving birth, I lost a significant amount of weight rapidly — 38 pounds in just three months — which he celebrated, though it should have raised alarm bells regarding my health.
His pride stemmed not from concern for my well-being but from a fear of me becoming overweight. My upbringing played a role; both my parents struggled with obesity, often seeking comfort in food during difficult times. After meeting my family, he expressed disdain for them, citing various reasons that masked his true issue: their bodies.
By 2008, I wasn’t at my parents’ size, but my partner was already worried about my trajectory. After high school, I gained weight due to a more sedentary lifestyle, which further fueled his anxiety about my potential to become obese like my parents.
Reflecting on my decade-long relationship with someone who looked down on those with larger bodies, I realize this issue is more widespread than I’d hoped. Fatphobia is not a formal disorder but rather a societal construct that shapes biases and judgments against larger individuals. While some brands have begun to showcase diverse body types, true representation and acceptance are still far from complete.
I share my story to remind anyone who has faced body criticism that they are not alone. None of us are perfect, and it’s our unique differences that enrich our lives. You are loved, valued, and worthy just as you are. It’s essential to honor your body in ways that resonate with you, whether through exercise, self-care rituals, or nurturing a healthier relationship with yourself. When you treat yourself with love and respect, you naturally invite the same from others — a standard that we all deserve.
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Summary:
This narrative explores the challenges of living with a partner who held fat-phobic beliefs, detailing personal experiences with body image issues and their societal origins. It emphasizes the importance of self-love and acceptance, encouraging readers to honor their bodies and seek supportive relationships.