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- Embracing Freedom in Your 40s
by Jamie Thompson
Updated: March 9, 2021
Originally Published: March 3, 2021
Age is more than just a number—it comes with societal expectations and goals we constantly measure ourselves against. What if your child hasn’t walked or talked by their first birthday? OMG, they’re 10! Time for the big Sweet Sixteen bash and the excitement of a driver’s license! Congrats on turning 18; you’re now an adult and can vote. Enjoy drinking legally and spending your money at the casinos with your fresh 21 ID. And now you’re 40? Your life is suddenly all about the kids, and it feels like it’s all downhill from here—put a bumper sticker on your back that says “Honk if parts fall off.”
No way! It’s time to rewrite this narrative. Our journeys to 40 can vary greatly from this script, and for many, life truly begins at this age. We can do whatever we desire.
As I approach 42, I would be lying if I said I don’t occasionally feel like I’ve missed out or let myself down by not achieving certain milestones. It’s more than just fleeting regret; I’ve experienced full-blown panic attacks over the thought that life has passed me by and I’m now too old to fulfill my dreams. I haven’t written that book. I haven’t pursued the master’s degree I’ve wanted. I haven’t traveled to Europe, and I can’t yet do a muscle-up at CrossFit or a handstand in yoga.
Yet.
The panic subsides when I add the word “yet.” It’s not merely my age holding me back; it’s about opportunity and discovering what I truly wanted to do. I’ve been busy navigating the many aspects of life. Turning 40 doesn’t mean life comes to a halt.
I also remind myself of all I’ve accomplished and learned “later in life.” Growing older means accumulating more experiences and hopefully gaining deeper insights into who we are and what we need. I got sober close to 40. I underwent gender-affirming surgery at 40 after coming out as nonbinary a couple of years prior. Compared to transgender individuals 10-15 years my junior undergoing the same surgery, I was practically an elder. I’m divorced but starting anew with a partner, navigating a long-distance relationship, and embracing whatever future lies ahead. We often wish we had more time together, but we met and fell in love when the timing was right—at 40.
Not having checked everything off your to-do list doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t achieve those things. You can still get pregnant, get divorced, start dating, or remarry. You can come out of the closet, wear clothes that affirm your gender, move to a new place, start a business, or even switch career fields. You can return to school, write that book, or become a foster parent. You don’t have to be a bystander in your own life. Sure, some things are beyond our control, but there are still many events and circumstances we can alter. Even if grand adventures aren’t on your agenda, there are countless smaller pursuits you can embark on.
Our curiosity never fades, and you’re never too old to try something new, whether it’s a long-held dream or a newfound interest. You can learn to drive, swim, ride a bike, ski, skate, or even get upside down in yoga. You can learn to cook, scuba dive, pole dance, garden, change your car’s oil, or handle your taxes. You can travel, take a stand-up comedy class, or run a marathon.
We also need to give ourselves permission to feel youthful, attractive, and vibrant. Our bodies change as we age, but that doesn’t equate to deterioration or diminished desirability. Approaching 42, I understand my body far better than I did a decade ago. Consequently, exercise, intimacy, and everyday life have improved. My body has experienced a lot, but age has taught me how to love and utilize it effectively. Society can be harsh, especially toward women, when it comes to body image as we age—hello, anti-wrinkle creams and hair dye—but let’s reject that narrative. Invest in what brings you joy instead of chasing unattainable beauty ideals. Enjoy your food, wear what’s comfortable, and embrace your laugh lines.
There are still so many experiences waiting for us after 40, many of which we can approach with greater enjoyment than in our youth. We must care less about our age and ignore the demeaning messages that imply we can’t live our best lives post-40. I have a lengthy list of experiences I wish to pursue, and it’s easy to feel like I’m falling behind. However, when I strip away comparisons, I focus less on where I think I should be based on age. I’m either precisely where I need to be or just not there yet, and I refuse to let another year slow me down.
This article was originally published on March 3, 2021.
Summary:
Turning 40 can feel daunting due to societal expectations, but it can also mark the beginning of new opportunities and adventures. Many people feel pressure as they approach this milestone, worrying about missed chances or unfulfilled dreams. However, adding “yet” to our aspirations can shift our perspective. We can still pursue education, relationships, and passions at any age. It’s essential to embrace our bodies and experiences as we grow older, rejecting societal pressures about beauty and age. Ultimately, life doesn’t stop at 40, and there are countless new experiences to explore.