Welcome to the Home Insemination Kit advice column, where our team provides guidance on all the confusing aspects of life, love, family, and parenting. This week, we’re tackling a tough situation: how do you manage when your parents, who should be thrilled to be grandparents, seem to lack interest?
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
My parents are in their late fifties and live close by. I’ve always thought our relationship was good, but they consistently demonstrate that they aren’t invested in being grandparents. When they visit, it’s brief, and they never ask my kids about their lives. They don’t attend any of their activities, and they’ve never offered to help my husband and me, even during those overwhelming early days with a newborn and two toddlers. They weren’t like this when I was growing up, so what’s going on? Why do they seem so disengaged?
I’ve heard others complain about their parents being “bad” grandparents, but they typically mean their parents aren’t available for constant babysitting. I often find myself wishing these parents understood that those over 50 have their own lives and can still be supportive grandparents. But that’s not the case with my parents.
It’s unclear if you’ve expressed your feelings to them yet, so let’s start there. The next time you invite them over or to your child’s game, and they decline, try saying something like, “Oh, that’s too bad. It would really mean so much for Timmy to have his grandparents in the stands.” This approach can help you discuss the issue without sounding confrontational. Observe how they respond. If they seem to reconsider, that’s a positive sign. If they continue to decline, you may need to have a more direct conversation. Share how their absence affects you and your kids, and express how valuable their presence would be in your family’s life.
They may feel that this phase of their lives is about them now that you’re an adult. And while that’s understandable, it doesn’t mean they can’t play a role in your family’s journey. You won’t know their perspective unless you ask. I hope you find a way to have an open discussion that leads to a better understanding. If they persist in being uninvolved, consider this insightful book on setting boundaries.
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Search Queries:
- How to encourage grandparents to be more involved
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- Setting boundaries with grandparents
In summary, it’s important to communicate your feelings to your parents about their role as grandparents. While they may be focused on their own lives, a heartfelt conversation could help bridge the gap between your expectations and their current level of involvement.