You might not be familiar with the term “stresslaxing.” In fact, up until recently, I wasn’t either. This coined phrase is somewhat ambiguous and largely unknown. However, after stumbling upon a meme that featured “stresslaxing,” I felt an immediate connection. Why? Because “stresslaxing” refers to the phenomenon of becoming anxious during attempts to relax. It embodies the idea that downtime can heighten your anxiety levels.
According to Urban Dictionary, stresslaxing occurs when you are so overwhelmed that trying to unwind only amplifies your stress because you’re not addressing the root causes of it. This creates a frustrating cycle. While the term is relatively new, the concept has been explored in research for some time now. A study published in December 2018 in the Journal of Affective Disorders revealed that relaxation can exacerbate fears and insecurities for certain individuals, leading to heightened discomfort and anxiety. Among the 96 participants, those with generalized anxiety disorder were particularly susceptible to extreme emotional fluctuations and often experienced the most anxiety while engaging in relaxation techniques. Hanjoo Kim, a psychology graduate student at Penn State University and co-author of the study, pointed out that individuals more prone to anxiety during relaxation are often those with anxiety disorders. I can certainly relate to this.
Having lived with panic disorder and anxiety for years, I understand the importance of a solid self-care routine. Yet, whenever I attempt to slow down, my mind races. My emotions become intensified, and anxiety takes over. The quiet of relaxation unsettles me and increases my irritation.
During these moments, I find myself worrying about all the tasks I should be tackling. There are dishes waiting to be washed and laundry that needs folding. Assignments and deadlines loom overhead like dark clouds.
Relaxation often leaves me feeling jittery and restless. I may experience physical symptoms like involuntary shakes. My inner critic grows louder, reminding me of my inadequacies and past mistakes. Forget meditation—I’ve tried many times, but the simple act of focusing on my breathing makes me feel suffocated. I struggle and gasp for air.
I’m not alone in this experience. Many others, including Jamie Collins, a mother of two, have encountered “stresslaxing.” “Just the thought of meditation makes me frustrated,” Collins shares. “It’s not for me. Traditional meditation feels more accessible to neurotypical individuals and might not even be feasible for neurodiverse folks like myself. My relaxed state looks different; my movements might stress others out, but that doesn’t mean I’m feeling stressed.”
Echoing this sentiment, Lisa Grant said, “Meditation makes me feel like I’m crawling out of my skin. It’s overwhelming.” Meanwhile, Sarah Brooks noted her struggle with stillness: “My partner often mentions it’s unnerving to watch me pace in circles because I can’t seem to sit still.”
Interestingly, “stresslaxing” seems to affect women—or those who identify as women—more frequently than men. An informal survey revealed that many women feel guilty when taking time for themselves. “Though I don’t have anxiety,” shared Kelsey Nguyen, “I feel a sense of obligation to be productive whenever I sit down to relax, whether that means doing laundry or cleaning. As a parent, that pressure intensifies.”
Brooks agreed, saying, “When I try to relax, I feel guilty, which heightens my anxiety since I’m not being productive. This cycle leaves me feeling drained and often dissociated.”
The good news? There are alternative and more engaging methods to unwind. Activities like walking can be both calming and purposeful—whether you’re heading to the bank or the park. Cooking, particularly baking, can serve as a fantastic stress relief option, allowing for movement and sensory engagement. Crafting can also provide an emotional outlet, especially when creating something meaningful for someone else. The key is to choose activities that resonate with you personally, rather than feeling pressured by societal expectations. After all, “stresslaxing” hardly qualifies as true relaxation, and it’s about time we reclaim our peace and find genuine ways to soothe our minds and hearts.
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Summary:
This article explores the concept of “stresslaxing,” a term that describes the anxiety some individuals feel when they attempt to relax. Research indicates that for people with anxiety disorders, moments of downtime can intensify their fears and worries. Many women, in particular, report feeling guilty when taking time for themselves, often leading to a cycle of increased anxiety. The piece suggests alternative ways to unwind, such as walking, cooking, and crafting, that can provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment without the associated guilt of traditional relaxation methods.