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As a new mom or someone encountering a new mom in a grocery store, you might find yourself wondering how she manages—especially if she looks well put together or, conversely, utterly exhausted. However, there are certain phrases you should definitely steer clear of. Here are five things you should never say to a new mother.
1. “Is your baby well-behaved?”
What does this even mean? Are there truly “bad” babies? If a new mom wants to share her frustrations about her little one fussing or not sleeping, she will. Every baby has ups and downs, and new mothers often struggle with the misconception that a challenging baby reflects poorly on their parenting.
Instead, simply ask how she’s doing and let her guide the conversation.
2. “You look great for someone who just had a baby.”
This phrase can come across as quite rude. It implies that she should look less than her best after undergoing the monumental task of bringing a child into the world while navigating a new life filled with sleepless nights and physical changes. A friend of mine experienced this firsthand when a stranger complimented her appearance just a week after adopting a newborn.
3. “When are you planning to have your next child?”
This is likely the furthest thing from her mind. If it’s her first baby, she may be feeling overwhelmed and thinking that another child is a long way off.
4. “I shed the baby weight in just a few weeks.”
Please refrain from making comparisons. Each person’s journey is different, and not everyone prioritizes losing baby weight immediately. After my first child, I was still in maternity clothes at two months postpartum when an older family member bragged about fitting into her bikini just two weeks post-birth because of portion control.
5. Unsolicited advice of any kind.
Unless she specifically asks for your input, keep your tips and tricks to yourself. A new mom doesn’t need to hear how you managed to get your baby to sleep or your weight-loss secrets unless she directly inquires. Just because she mentions something doesn’t mean she’s looking for advice; sometimes, she just needs a sympathetic ear.
If you happen to be interested in more information about home insemination, you can check out this helpful blog post or explore resources like CDC’s infertility statistics for a better understanding of pregnancy and family planning.
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Summary
Navigating conversations with new moms requires sensitivity and empathy. Avoiding phrases that can be perceived as judgmental or intrusive can help create a supportive environment for new mothers, allowing them to share their experiences on their terms.