Moms online often express their annoyance when strangers at the grocery store comment, “You’ve got your hands full!” The memes on this topic are countless, and they often make me chuckle. However, I find myself in agreement with these unsolicited remarks because, in truth, they are spot on: I, along with countless other mothers, truly do have our hands full—even if it’s not always in the way they intend.
Just yesterday, I was strolling with my kids along the sandy path near our home (which sounds picturesque, except that I had both children with me, and it was the afternoon—definitely nap time for at least one of them). An older woman, accompanied by a rather scruffy beagle, whom I had never met, paused, raised her eyebrows at my 32-week pregnant belly, and said, “Girl, you’re brave.”
I can imagine many internet moms would have had a field day with such a comment. It felt intrusive and slightly rude. Yet, I surprised both her and myself when I burst into laughter. I even had a little accident (which isn’t uncommon for me these days). The woman smiled, gestured toward my stroller, and wished me “good luck with all that” as she continued on her way.
I have a soft spot for that woman, as I see a glimpse of my future self in her.
Navigating Life with Two Children
Navigating life with two children under four is a rollercoaster ride. My hands, pockets, and patience are undeniably full. Soon, we’ll be “bravely” adding another little one to the mix.
Deciding to expand our family wasn’t a light choice. My partner and I discussed it almost every night for a year because, as that stranger hinted, having a third child is daunting. The challenges of pregnancy are intimidating, from the financial implications of three kids to the reality that I’ll be outnumbered whenever I venture out alone with them. However, what scares me the most is the initial, and often the sweetest, phase of parenthood: the newborn stage.
The Newborn Phase
I’ve never been fond of the newborn phase. To be honest, I disliked the advice from parenting “experts” long before it became a trend to do so, especially when they promised that a pricey sleep training course would allow me to relish those early days. Spoiler alert: I paid for it, and it didn’t happen.
During my first pregnancy, I was consumed with fears about the baby’s health and the delivery process. The thought of giving birth was so overwhelming that I couldn’t fathom the challenges awaiting me in the days and weeks that followed. Like many new mothers, I brought home a healthy baby, only to be confronted with the real struggles that no amount of classes or books had prepared me for.
In those early weeks, I was astonished by how much true sleep deprivation could affect me. I couldn’t believe how little I could accomplish during the day, despite my baby sleeping so much. I was stunned by how alien my body felt, how challenging breastfeeding was, and how unmanageable my emotions became. But what shocked me most was the sadness that always seemed to lurk at the edge of my happiness. I had every reason to be joyful yet felt despondent.
When my second child arrived, he slept less and fell ill more often, and the “baby blues” I experienced with my first felt even darker. Although I understood better the link between my hormones and my mood, it was harder to grant myself grace and space to feel, especially since I had a daughter observing my every move.
Preparing for Baby Number Three
Now, as I prepare for my third, I still worry about the baby’s health, the delivery, the epidural, and even the Apgar score. However, my greatest concern revolves around the possibility of feeling sad again while juggling the expectations of my two watchful children.
When that lady on the boardwalk called me “brave,” I suspect she said it with a hint of sarcasm. If my kids were old enough to understand her comment, I might have felt irritated and would want to clarify that they are not the burden she implied. My kids are utterly adorable and, alongside my husband, they are the greatest gifts in my life.
Yet, despite her implied sarcasm, her words transported me into a future version of myself, sitting in a well-loved chair at night, wincing as I try to soothe a fussy newborn. I envisioned afternoons filled with puzzles, marveling at my children’s brilliance, while also grappling with feelings of sadness. I imagined joyful family dinners, struggling to focus on my daughter’s stories because my mind was preoccupied with the looming darkness of the night ahead.
Embracing the Journey
As much as I fear this upcoming postpartum period, I’m equally excited about the new journey it represents. My children have transformed my life in ways I never anticipated, and while I cherish the joyful moments of their childhood, the challenging times are equally significant.
When I think of my kids witnessing my struggles, feeling sad, and questioning my ability to manage it all, I feel a mix of heartbreak and pride. Life is tough, and as my children grow, they will face their own unique challenges. I hope that, even if they don’t remember the weeks following their little brother’s birth, they’ll carry a part of my struggle with them as a testament to real life and true bravery.
I know that in the near future, I’ll be trudging through the grocery store with three screaming kids when someone yells, “You’ve got your hands full!” without offering any assistance. I won’t feel resentment. Partly because I’ll be too exhausted to process my emotions, but also because they’ll be right. My hands will always be full, and I’ll forever be grateful that I dared to make it this way.
Additional Resources
In addition, to delve deeper into topics related to pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. For those interested in boosting fertility, you can find valuable information at Make A Mom.
Search Queries:
- home insemination kit
- artificial insemination
- self insemination techniques
- tips for pregnancy
- emotional challenges in motherhood
Summary:
This article reflects on the challenges and joys of motherhood, particularly in the context of preparing for a third child. The author shares personal experiences with the struggles of the newborn phase, emotional upheavals, and the journey of navigating motherhood with multiple young children. Despite the challenges, she emphasizes the transformative power of motherhood and the bravery it takes to embrace it all.