In the midst of a global crisis, I found myself going through a divorce that turned my world—and that of my two daughters—upside down. Just before the pandemic forced us into quarantine, my ex-partner and I decided to separate and initiate divorce proceedings. Suddenly, our cherished library was closed, parks were cordoned off, and our social life came to a screeching halt. Living in the heart of Phoenix, we were left with no place to go to escape the sweltering heat, with splash pads and pools off-limits.
I held onto the hope that schools would resume in the fall of 2020, but reality proved otherwise. My oldest daughter had been eagerly anticipating kindergarten, asking about her future teacher, the school bus, and whether she would have lunch with her sister. But even that dream was snatched away, along with our family home that once stood proudly with a blue door and a spacious backyard. We relocated to a bustling downtown area, with her dad taking the dog and me keeping the cat.
Although my ex and I maintained a friendly relationship post-divorce, we realized the impact our separation had on our daughters’ sense of stability. We faced a choice: we could apply a temporary fix to our issues, allowing deeper wounds to fester, or we could confront our problems head-on for the sake of our children’s long-term well-being. Ultimately, we opted for divorce.
Had I known the extent of the challenges the pandemic would bring, including the loss of parks, playdates, and schools, I may have hesitated in making this choice. However, I am grateful we proceeded with our decision before COVID-19 hit; otherwise, we might have clung to a broken relationship, hoping to ease our pain.
The guilt of the situation weighed heavily on me, leading to a series of “yeses” that transformed my parenting style. I found myself saying yes to extra servings of ice cream, late-night candies, and unlimited screen time. My role shifted from a nurturing parent to a chaotic circus ringmaster, as we all struggled to cope with our new reality. I don’t regret those indulgences—whether it was letting my kids watch movies back-to-back or playing freely in the mud before our move.
Yet, as we slowly began to adapt and heal, I realized it was time to regain control and address the guilt that had taken hold. After putting my daughters to bed one night, I took a moment for myself, reflecting on our journey thus far. I wrote letters to myself and my children, acknowledging our struggles, not to celebrate but to honor what we had endured together.
This reflection allowed me to reclaim my focus and redefine my parenting approach. Just as I had to end my unhealthy marriage, I needed to establish firm boundaries in my parenting. I recognized the importance of saying no, enforcing chores, and allowing my children to experience discomfort. It became clear that my role wasn’t just to ensure their immediate happiness but to prioritize their long-term wellbeing.
Discomfort is a vital part of growth. It mirrors the challenges faced during childbirth—an uncomfortable and often painful experience that leads to new life. I needed to confront the uncomfortable aspects of parenting and consider the lasting impact of my immediate decisions, aiming to raise resilient, independent adults.
If you’re exploring similar journeys, there are many resources available, such as this informative blog post on home insemination which delves into family planning options. For comprehensive insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from the CDC.
Search Queries:
- home insemination kit
- self insemination techniques
- co-parenting during divorce
- navigating parenting challenges
- impact of divorce on children
In summary, navigating a divorce during a pandemic is undeniably challenging, but it also presents an opportunity for growth, both for parents and children alike. By addressing discomfort and prioritizing long-term wellbeing, we can foster resilience and independence in our children.