While you were busy finding someone new, I focused on navigating the tumultuous waters of our three daughters’ lives during an overwhelming transition. Divorce is often ranked just below the death of a loved one in terms of life’s challenges, and I was committed to cushioning their fall. Determined to shield them from the impending changes, I dove into every parenting resource and sought out the best child therapists available. My goal was to be their sanctuary, answering their questions about our separation in an age-appropriate manner while striving to maintain their innocence. While I worked tirelessly to mend their emotional wounds, you only added to them.
As you engaged in your new relationship, I was busy protecting our children from another threat: a global pandemic that turned the world upside down. While I held them close in our cozy apartment, you roamed freely with your new partner. As the girls and I faced one school closure after another, you were entertaining a stranger in our former shared home—the very space where our daughters still spent weekends. While I worked to keep them safe, you were carefree, inviting chaos into our lives.
In your quest to replace me, I was rediscovering old skills that had lain dormant during my eight years as a stay-at-home mom. Grappling with the reality of my financial future was daunting after being abruptly thrust into this situation. You left me with a sufficient amount of money, but it didn’t erase the need for me to reinvent myself and re-enter the workforce. While you indulged your new partner with lavish dinners and first-class vacations, I was left pondering how I would make ends meet.
In your absence, I delved into understanding the complexities of our decade-long toxic marriage through intensive therapy. Questions of codependency, narcissism, and boundary issues filled my thoughts as I sought clarity. I often found myself shouldering all the blame for our failed relationship while you moved on without a second thought, seemingly unburdened by guilt.
But amidst the heartache, I stumbled upon a remarkable truth: in my deepest sorrow, I unearthed a sense of authenticity I never knew I possessed. Experiencing such profound loss revealed my capacity for immense love. I recognized that my emotions, no matter how intense, are valid. Moving forward, I refuse to suppress them for the sake of someone else’s feelings.
During the isolation of quarantine and the challenges of single parenthood, I learned to appreciate my own company. I realized I could thrive alone, rediscovering passions and interests that define me. I will never again compromise who I am or allow someone to dictate my desires.
Becoming a single mother instilled in me a respect for myself that had long been absent. I may not exemplify a loving partnership, but I can certainly model self-love and respect. I refuse to tolerate verbal or emotional abuse ever again.
Through countless hours of introspection and therapy, I gained the ability to comfort and guide myself, taking charge of my own happiness. No longer will I seek others to resolve my insecurities or make my choices for me.
In reflecting on my tears, I realized I was mourning a version of you and a marriage that only briefly existed. I will no longer waste my tears on someone unworthy; I choose to embrace reality rather than hold on to a fantasy.
While you were busy finding a replacement, I discovered a strength within me that I never knew I had. I possess everything necessary to create a bright future for myself and our daughters, to be the best mother and role model I can be. The struggles I’ve faced were not for the faint-hearted, but I survived and thrived. So, enjoy your new life. While you were replacing me, I was busy finding my true self.