At 6:30 PM on February 26, 2020, my first child made her grand entrance into the world, weighing 8 lbs 10 oz and measuring 22 inches. This moment marked the end of our challenging journey through infertility, culminating in a successful IVF frozen transfer.
Growing up as one of five children in a single-parent household, the desire to nurture and raise a child was something I longed for deeply. The nine months leading up to the birth of my daughter, Lily, were a whirlwind of emotions. I can still recall the intensity of hour 24 of our induction when our doctor delivered Lily, inadvertently fracturing her clavicle while trying to free her from the umbilical cord wrapped tightly around her neck. The delivery room was filled with an eerie silence until we finally heard her long-awaited cry, which brought immense relief to my husband.
After a brief hospital stay, we returned home, feeling thankful and largely unscathed. However, as we began to adjust to life as a family of three, Minnesota issued its first stay-at-home order. We quickly adapted to this new reality, grieving our inability to introduce Lily to our family and friends. Our days became filled with sanitizing groceries, isolating ourselves, and voicing our various psychosomatic symptoms.
During my 16-week maternity leave spent in quarantine, I would often gaze at Lily, completely entranced by her presence. The joy of parenthood clashed with an overwhelming fear of the unknown. I found myself anxiously following daily updates from Andrew Cuomo about COVID, while also tuning in to Chris Cuomo’s late-night broadcasts during those exhausting feedings. I became emotionally invested in the statistics surrounding the pandemic, feeling both excitement and frustration as case numbers fluctuated.
Tears filled my eyes when my pediatrician reassured me in early May that “COVID hasn’t broken Lily” after I expressed my concern over her social development delays due to our limited outings. I cried in the car after that visit, haunted by the realization that we were still at the beginning of a long pandemic journey. I struggled with feelings of guilt for mourning my maternity leave, knowing I was fortunate to have paid time off. Most painfully, I grappled with the isolation that came from being a first-time mom during such uncertain times.
While COVID-19 undeniably shaped my first year of parenting, I’ve slowly come to terms with the fact that it’s okay. I have a healthy baby, and as my reclusive maternity leave comes to an end, I feel a newfound calmness within myself after navigating challenges I never expected. Although our friends and family haven’t been able to hold Lily or shower her with hugs, they still love her as they love me—and that’s what truly matters.
Our journey to welcoming Lily was filled with uncertainties, yet I reflect on our struggles with gratitude, as we always felt loved, supported, and, most importantly, hopeful. I believe that our first year of parenthood mirrored that experience: different challenges, different pains, too many unknowns, but an abundance of love and hope.
For those interested in understanding more about pregnancy and home insemination, the CDC provides excellent resources, and you might find useful insights on this sample page as well. If you’re considering at-home insemination, check out this comprehensive guide by Make A Mom.