When my son expressed a desire to attend a New Year’s Eve party with two friends and his girlfriend, I faced a difficult decision as a mother of a 17-year-old. Establishing ground rules is already complex, and the pandemic made it a bit easier to decline his request. Unfortunately, this cast me as the villain, especially when I learned that other parents were more lenient, eager for their kids to enjoy a little fun after such a challenging year.
Fast forward a few months, and another friend turned 18, leading to similar circumstances. His parents booked a hotel room to allow him and his friends to celebrate. Once again, I found myself in the middle of the situation after saying “no.” The other moms reached out to me, my son was frustrated, and his friends bombarded me with texts, insisting everything would be fine.
As the pandemic unfolded, I found myself taking on even more responsibility. I was the one who noticed my son’s symptoms—an itchy throat and a runny nose—before Christmas and took him for a COVID test. When my kids wanted to return to in-person schooling after months of remote learning, it was me they turned to for approval.
Just last week, I lost my patience when my daughter wanted to attend a slumber party. I felt guilty denying her request; after all, these kids have been through a lot. But the risk of such gatherings spiraling into a super spreader event was too great, especially with teenagers involved. I have vivid memories of sneaking out as a teen, and it felt like a dangerous gamble. My concerns were exacerbated by the fact that parents who allowed sleepovers didn’t seem particularly cautious about COVID safety.
My daughter understood my decision, but the day of the party, the host’s father called me while I was trying to work. He spent ten minutes arguing, assuring me they’d be careful and urging me to reconsider. He didn’t bother reaching out to my ex-husband. Once again, I was left to prioritize our family’s health and take on the role of the bad guy.
Throughout this pandemic, it has become all too clear that many parenting responsibilities often fall to moms, even in non-pandemic times. I’ve always been the one to notice when my kids need medical appointments or social interactions. Whether it’s driving them to their activities or making sure we have enough groceries, the onus seems to rest on my shoulders.
When every decision feels like a life-or-death matter, the weight of these choices can be overwhelming. It’s exhausting feeling like we can’t win, and it’s unfair for one person to bear such a significant burden. Some partners claim that mothers are simply “better at it,” but that perspective is misguided. The reality is that being the one who has to say no, who constantly weighs risks, and who must navigate these tricky decisions can be paralyzing.
In moments when these responsibilities fall squarely on mothers, the protective instincts kick in, and our kids may see us as joy-stealers. Meanwhile, we lose sleep, our minds racing with the best course of action. This relentless pressure takes a serious toll, and I’ve never experienced anything quite like this level of exhaustion.
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In summary, the pandemic has amplified the already heavy burden mothers carry in decision-making. As we navigate these challenging times, it’s vital to acknowledge the exhaustion and stress that comes with being the primary caregiver and decision-maker.