I realized I had a problem when I started using meditation as an opportunity to multitask. Encouraged by friends who rave about apps like Calm and Headspace, I decided to give meditation a try during the chaos of 2020, hoping to find the “center” I had lost under heaps of laundry and dirty dishes, endless Zoom calls with my kids, my own work responsibilities, and the incessant reminders from our cat that his food bowl was empty. However, as a soothing British voice guided me to breathe and let my thoughts drift, I found myself planning dinner, considering which Netflix series to watch next, and keeping an ear on my kids in the next room, ensuring no one was fighting or injured. By the time the session ended, I had ticked “Meditate” off my mental checklist but felt no more centered than before.
It’s a tired stereotype that mothers are perpetually exhausted, but I truly was. There were days I felt tired and happy, sometimes tired and stressed, and occasionally tired and irritable – yet that underlying fatigue was always there. When you have a newborn, fatigue is a natural result of sleepless nights, but my kids are good sleepers, out of diapers, and capable of handling several tasks independently. My level of exhaustion shouldn’t have been comparable to those early days of motherhood.
Then it struck me: perhaps my constant fatigue stemmed from my relentless multitasking. Most of the time, my body was engaged in one task while my mind was preoccupied with another. Even when I was focused on related activities, such as checking emails, I would quickly flit between work messages, updates from my kids’ school, texts from friends, and persistent solicitations from political groups. It’s no wonder I felt drained by the evening!
Recently, I decided to make a change and re-embrace “single-tasking.” This technique involves selecting one activity and dedicating my full attention to it until it’s completed—a practice I vaguely remembered from my life before kids. For example, when I sat down to address work emails, I would limit myself to just those messages, ignoring all others. More importantly, while spending time with my kids, I made an effort to be fully present instead of constantly jumping ahead to what needed to be done next.
Of course, as a parent, it’s impossible to single-task all the time, and many attempts are often interrupted. However, each time I manage to focus, I notice that tasks are completed more quickly and effectively because I am fully engaged. When that “task” is quality time with my family, we all feel happier and more relaxed afterward. Physically, I also feel less tired; while I’m not completely free of exhaustion, single-tasking feels like a refreshing power nap for my mind.
Sometimes, we mothers take pride in our multitasking abilities, and rightly so—female brains are remarkable. However, there is a fine line between effective multitasking and pushing ourselves to the brink of burnout. I came alarmingly close to that edge this past year, but I’m gradually making progress, one step—and one task—at a time.
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In summary, embracing single-tasking has transformed my approach to daily responsibilities, allowing for deeper connections with my family and reducing my overall exhaustion.