After a decade of sobriety, I was taken aback when my husband quietly had his last bourbon without my knowledge. It wasn’t until two weeks later, during a dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, that he opted for water instead of wine. “It’s time,” he said. That decision has profoundly reinforced our bond, allowing us to thrive together without alcohol as a barrier.
Our Early Relationship
At the beginning of our relationship, drinking was at the core of our connection. We often met for after-work drinks and spent countless nights on his patio with beers in hand. Dining out invariably included wine. We didn’t have much in common aside from our shared love for Budweiser; our backgrounds and interests varied widely. He was six years my senior, with different life experiences and preferences. Yet, we persisted.
The Evolution of Our Drinking Habits
Once married, our drinking habits evolved into a nightly routine. A glass of wine became our way to unwind after work, and Friday nights were marked by celebratory cocktails. I soon realized that my drinking was spiraling out of control, often leaving me hungover for work. I was frequently consuming beers four nights a week, which was taking a toll on me.
When I became pregnant, I abstained for nine months, only to return to drinking after my son was born. However, after having my second child, I made a significant change and have not touched alcohol since. I’ve since had four children, three of whom have never seen me drink, and that feels incredibly rewarding.
My Husband’s Relationship with Alcohol
My husband maintained a different relationship with alcohol. His drinking was habitual rather than binge-driven; he would unwind with a beer after work or enjoy wine during a movie. However, he was drinking alone, and that started to bother me. As tensions rose, I began to resent his love for alcohol, and we grew apart. I would retreat to the bedroom while he stayed in the basement with his drinks, leading us to live more like roommates than a married couple. Our outings often ended in arguments, particularly when I found myself frustrated by the cost of his alcohol consumption.
A Quiet Decision
There wasn’t a dramatic moment that prompted my husband to stop drinking; he simply chose to do so quietly, realizing that our family deserved the best version of him.
The Transformation
Now, as we approach two years as a sober couple, our lives have transformed for the better. We still argue, as all couples do, but our confrontations are no longer exacerbated by alcohol. We are tackling real issues together, rather than using drinking as an excuse to avoid them. Our parenting has improved as well; we have the patience to engage with our children meaningfully, free from the fog of hangovers.
Our Perspective on Drinking
Let me clarify: we don’t have an issue with those who drink. We recognize our own drinking problems. We can host gatherings and offer drinks without feeling tempted. Many can enjoy a drink responsibly, but that’s not us. I worry about my children; alcoholism runs in our families, and I hope they learn to navigate their choices wisely.
A Toast to Our Marriage
I’m incredibly grateful that we chose to prioritize our relationship over alcohol. I love my husband deeply, and I can honestly say I appreciate him even more now that he’s sober. We raise a toast to our marriage—his Irish coffee sans Bailey’s and my Diet Coke—celebrating a life without alcohol.
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