Navigating complex topics can often leave us feeling unsure, especially when it comes to issues we may not fully understand. While some people may rush ahead with their assumptions, I prefer to approach these conversations with an open mind and a willingness to learn. Acknowledging my uncertainties allows me to grow, even if it can be uncomfortable at times. This journey has led me to explore the nuances of disability and the implicit biases I hold regarding ableism. My goal is to engage in meaningful dialogues with my children about individuals with disabilities and to respond thoughtfully to their questions. Fortunately, there are many advocates and individuals with disabilities who generously share their knowledge and experiences, making it easier for others to educate themselves.
The Importance of Respectful Language
The first step is to respect the language that individuals prefer when describing themselves. Terms like “disabled” and “disability” often carry stigma, which results in marginalized groups feeling excluded. Much like the queer community, which I identify with, the language we choose matters. I’ve faced criticism about my choice to identify as queer, with some insisting it’s a negative term. However, it’s a vital part of my identity, just as “disabled” is for many people. Instead of pushing our discomfort onto others, we should strive for true allyship.
As Emily Ladau, a disability advocate and author, emphasizes, using euphemisms to describe disability diminishes the real issues disabled individuals face. Discomfort with terms like “disabled” can lead to meaningless phrases such as “special needs” or “differently abled.” Ladau’s book, Demystifying Disability, highlights that 15% of the global population identifies as disabled, marking this community as the largest minority group worldwide. She encourages non-disabled parents to learn from disabled voices and to ensure that their children do the same.
Encouraging Open Dialogue with Children
It’s crucial for children to feel free to ask questions. Their natural curiosity means adults must respond positively, avoiding shame or negativity when discussing disabilities. If a child asks, “What’s wrong with her?” it’s essential to reframe the question kindly. A simple response could be, “That person has a disability, but that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with them; it’s just part of who they are.” If you don’t know the answer to a question, be honest and explore the information together.
Heather Smith, a writer and mom with degenerative disc disease, suggests validating children’s observations while also being mindful of how we interact with disabled individuals. Many disabled people are open to discussing their experiences, but it’s important not to put them on the spot. Avoiding eye contact or ignoring them only serves to dehumanize and marginalize them further.
Accessibility Matters
It’s also essential to consider accessibility in the spaces we inhabit. Ask yourself if your environment is inclusive for everyone. If a ramp is available, why default to stairs that only benefit some? Everyone deserves equal access to opportunities.
For a more engaging way to teach children about inclusion, consider reading You Can’t Invite A Fish To A Dance Party by Jessica Williams, which illustrates how well-meaning actions can inadvertently exclude others.
Listening and Learning
Disabled individuals don’t need us to speak for them; instead, we should listen, learn, and strive to improve our understanding. Embracing discomfort is part of the process of becoming better allies. As Ladau notes, society often makes differences uncomfortable, so actively challenging that mindset is crucial.
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Summary
This article emphasizes the importance of using respectful and accurate language when discussing disability, advocating for open communication, and recognizing the value of inclusivity. It encourages parents to engage their children in thoughtful dialogues about disabilities and to be proactive in creating accessible environments.