Here’s a reality: I adore my mom.
And here’s another reality: I dread the thought of turning into her.
I realize this might sound harsh, perhaps even ungrateful, especially considering what an extraordinary mother she has been. After divorcing my father when my brother and I were very young, she took it upon herself to raise us alone. Working three jobs, she ensured we never felt hunger and established rules while also offering forgiveness for our mistakes. She encouraged us to excel, sacrificing her own desires and interests to provide for us.
In doing so, she neglected to cultivate her own life outside of being a “single mom.” Now that my brother and I are adults with children of our own, she spends her days waiting for our visits and sharing stories with her grandkids. While we plan these visits often, she finds herself engaged in quiet activities, lacking meaningful friendships, hobbies, or ambitions to pursue at this stage in her life. She seems content, yet from my perspective, it feels incredibly lonely.
As I view her life, I can’t help but see a reflection of a future that terrifies me. Recently, I separated from my partner, and I now bear the sole responsibility of raising my two daughters. Every need, whether financial or emotional, rests on my shoulders—much like the life my mother led at my age.
I understand the immense effort it takes to raise children, and I’m committed to giving my all, just as my mother did for us. However, observing her life now, I realize I don’t want that kind of future for myself. I fear repeating her experience: giving so much that I end up with nothing for myself. Even though she seems happy in her current situation, I know I wouldn’t find fulfillment in it.
I recognize that I need to lay a foundation for my future—after my children have grown and are leading their own lives. I must take the time now to foster friendships and pursue my interests, something my mother never prioritized. The challenge lies in how to provide for my children without sacrificing my own identity and dreams.
It’s tempting to think I can give everything to my daughters and wait to reclaim my life later. Yet, I’ve learned that life continues beyond the challenges of raising children. Instead of striving for balance, I’m beginning to accept that maintaining a part of myself is essential. Motherhood should not mean total self-sacrifice; one can be a devoted parent without losing sight of personal aspirations.
It’s also important to shift my perspective on my mother. Instead of fearing I might end up like her, I can appreciate the life she has built for herself. Perhaps she’s not just surviving but thriving in her own way, making choices that align with her happiness.
I often assumed she fell into this life unintentionally, but I’ve never asked her about her choices. Maybe she was fully aware of what she was doing, balancing her needs with ours. If that’s true, then there’s a lot I can learn from her journey.
For more insightful discussions on parenting and personal growth, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination at CCRM IVF Blog. And if you’re interested in understanding more about artificial insemination, visit Make a Mom for valuable information.
Summary
This piece reflects on the complexities of motherhood, grappling with the desire to honor one’s own aspirations while nurturing children. The author admires her mother’s sacrifices but fears the loneliness that might accompany such devotion. Ultimately, she seeks to carve out her own identity while being a loving parent, learning from her mother’s choices along the way.