A few weeks ago, I organized a small, safe birthday celebration for my daughter’s fourth birthday. Wanting to brighten her spirits after such a challenging year, I dedicated a lot of effort to the planning. She requested a princess cake, so I donned my apron and created a rather impressive (though somewhat lopsided) cake. She wanted a piñata, so I scoured Pinterest for DIY ideas and nearly injured myself crafting one. I gathered princess-themed crafts, a bright neon dress, and some rather gaudy princess jewelry.
On the day of the event, my daughter seemed to have a blast. She was thrilled with her dress, devoured cake, and made sure her friends left with the least desirable pieces of jewelry. Yet, throughout the day, she hardly paid me any attention.
Initially, I didn’t expect much in terms of gratitude from her since she’s only four and still learning about manners. However, when she spent the entire party avoiding me, even running away when I tried to take a picture or share her cake, it stung a little.
Once the guests departed, she dashed off to her room to play with her new jewelry box. I turned to my partner, worried, and asked, “Do you think she liked it?” He reassured me, “She’s four, and there was cake. I’m sure she enjoyed it.” It’s important to note that my daughter had also ignored him that day, and he took it in stride, perhaps because he understands, as I later learned from Janet Lansbury, that young children don’t have the capacity to show true appreciation.
Moreover, my daughter has been in quarantine for nearly a year, and having a small gathering in the backyard was likely overwhelming for her. It makes sense that she was too caught up in the fun and excitement to acknowledge my efforts.
In essence, her lack of attention had little to do with my parenting or party planning and everything to do with her being a four-year-old child. Before becoming a stay-at-home mom, I spent a decade as a middle school English teacher, where I struggled with seeking validation. I often focused on the few students who didn’t like me, allowing their opinions to overshadow the many who did.
After becoming a mother, I started to care less about external validation. Later, a friend messaged me to say how much she enjoyed the party, which sparked a moment of pride and an important realization. My daughter, at four, is not the arbiter of my worth as a parent. Why should I let her perceived evaluation affect how I view my parenting efforts?
At the end of the day, I organized a celebration, cleaned the house, baked a cake, and even enlisted my partner to help with the piñata after my mishap. I demonstrated love and care for my daughter, and that should be enough for me to sleep soundly.
As my kids grow, they will have plenty of opinions, both positive and negative, about our parenting choices. While it’s beneficial to seek constructive feedback, it’s important to trust myself. As I plan my younger son’s second birthday, I’m reminded to prioritize what I believe is best for him, regardless of any last-minute changes he may want.
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Summary:
As a parent, it’s easy to let your children’s opinions influence how you feel about your parenting. However, it’s crucial to recognize that young kids may not understand or express gratitude, and their reactions often have more to do with their own feelings than with your efforts. By focusing on the love and care you provide, you can cultivate a healthy mindset about your parenting choices, regardless of your child’s immediate feedback.
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Parenting, validation, children’s opinions, birthday party, self-worth, parenting choices, emotional growth.