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I’ve encountered the phrase “kindness is always possible” on social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, as well as on t-shirts, tote bags, and travel mugs. Phrases like “choose kindness,” “spread kindness,” and “be kind” are ubiquitous—and for good reason. They embody love and empathy, overflowing with compassion, affection, thoughtfulness, and grace. However, the notion that kindness is perpetually achievable, while appealing, has its flaws. It is fundamentally misguided because some individuals do not warrant your decency, respect, or support.
Let me clarify. I am a strong, determined woman who works diligently to support my family and myself, writing numerous articles each week. I push myself from dawn until well after dusk. I am also a proud member of the LGBTQ community. Although I embrace the person I’ve become, not everyone shares that sentiment. Some people judge me based on my gender, viewing me unfavorably because I identify as female. Others criticize me for my political beliefs as a progressive Democrat. Additionally, I face prejudice for my sexual orientation—simply because of who I love.
I can endure judgment, name-calling, and blame. What I cannot condone are those who actively seek to oppress me. The individuals who vote for politicians that threaten my rights and well-being do not deserve kindness.
You might argue that I should engage with them, educate them, or simply “kill them with kindness.” But should I expend my emotional energy on individuals who harbor hatred towards me and believe I am unworthy of basic human decency? Perhaps, but I choose not to. Instead, I challenge ignorance and intolerance. I refuse to turn toxic experiences into something palatable.
As noted in an article on Learning for Justice, while teaching kindness is essential in elementary education, it shouldn’t overshadow the importance of teaching justice. “When we focus solely on kindness without addressing inequalities,” the article states, “we risk overlooking crucial differences in how our students experience the world.”
Moreover, constantly embodying kindness can negatively impact your mental health. According to Psychology Today, being the “nice person” all the time can lead to self-criticism and increased stress. You might find yourself blaming yourself for others’ behavior, which can create a cycle of emotional strain. This burnout often results in unhealthy relationships, where you may suppress your own needs to accommodate others.
So, what can you do instead?
Engage with unkind individuals assertively and transparently. Discussions can be grounded in facts. Sometimes, disengagement is the best option; not everyone is worth your time and energy. Establishing boundaries is crucial—being kind doesn’t mean being a doormat. Your mental health should take precedence over forced niceness. Remember, respect is earned, and the same principle applies to kindness. Don’t sacrifice your well-being for others.
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Summary:
The notion that “kindness is always possible” is well-intentioned but fundamentally flawed. While kindness embodies love and empathy, it is essential to recognize that some individuals do not deserve our respect or kindness, especially those who work against our rights. Instead of spreading kindness indiscriminately, we should focus on asserting boundaries and engaging with others based on mutual respect and understanding. Prioritizing our mental health is crucial, and kindness should never come at the expense of our well-being.