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When I experienced my second miscarriage over ten years ago, I had no idea how deeply it would affect me. While time has dulled the edges of my grief, it has never fully vanished. Yes, it’s grief—real and palpable. Mothers who go through a miscarriage truly mourn their loss. This grief varies significantly; it’s not the same for everyone, nor is it uniform across multiple losses. I endured three miscarriages, each evoking a different emotional response.
My first miscarriage, an early loss often termed a chemical pregnancy, left me bewildered—an unexpected loss felt surreal rather than sorrowful. However, my second miscarriage was fraught with anticipation and medical intervention. After multiple doctor visits and the eventual necessity of a D&C, the grief hit me hard. Yet, I concealed my pain, a stay-at-home mom with no colleagues to confide in. Long walks with my dogs and toddler became my coping mechanisms, but the agony was ever-present. The societal notion that miscarriages are common led me to question why I couldn’t simply move on.
That’s why New Zealand’s recent miscarriage bereavement leave legislation is so significant—not only for the financial relief it offers families but also for the acknowledgment it provides to the emotional toll of pregnancy loss. As Ginny Anderson, the politician who championed the bill, stated, “The bill will give women and their partners time to come to terms with their loss without having to tap into sick leave. Because their grief is not a sickness. It is a loss. And loss takes time.”
I share Anderson’s hope that this legislation will encourage lawmakers and employers worldwide to recognize the importance of bereavement leave for miscarriage. This sentiment is echoed by mental health professionals, such as Julia Bueno, a psychotherapist in London, who remarked, “This is a real and symbolic recognition that miscarriage can be a grave bereavement for a woman and her partner.”
Despite progress in openly discussing miscarriage, there remains a cloud of stigma surrounding it, particularly in professional environments. As someone who has written extensively online—including about my own losses—I found myself hesitating to share this article on LinkedIn. Why? Because discussing miscarriage in a professional context means publicly acknowledging my own painful experiences, which can be daunting.
Such reluctance to speak openly highlights the necessity of laws like New Zealand’s. By creating an environment where individuals can express their grief, we combat the harmful notion that a woman’s pain is insignificant. When women hide their sorrow, they are forced to carry their burdens silently, impacting their ability to fully engage in their work.
A workplace thrives when individuals can bring their whole selves—grief, joy, and everything in between—allowing them to perform at their best. New Zealand’s law delivers a powerful message: “We see your pain. You are a whole person, worthy of care and understanding.” There’s nothing more vital than that acknowledgment.
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In summary, New Zealand’s miscarriage bereavement law is a crucial step toward recognizing the emotional weight of pregnancy loss. It aims to provide necessary support for grieving parents and advocates for a culture where such experiences can be shared without stigma.