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I used to have a decent circle of mom friends. While we weren’t inseparable, they were friendly, and our kids got along well. However, when the pandemic struck, those moms seemed to retreat into denial. They invited me to go tubing and to pool parties, but when I finally expressed my views on safety, emphasizing that we wouldn’t attend any gatherings without masks and social distancing in line with CDC guidelines, they stopped reaching out altogether.
I’ve always known that I lived in a conservative area. The moms I was associated with tended to support Trump and were enthusiastic about attending megachurch services. For instance, one mother had a sticker on her car that read “Starbucks and Guns,” and I once had to intervene when my son’s friend brought up the NRA during a visit. My husband and I exchanged worried glances, unsure how to handle it. Many homeschooling options in our community leaned heavily on religious beliefs.
Initially, we assumed that our shared interest in homeschooling would be enough to bridge our differences. We were mistaken.
True Colors Emerged in the Pandemic
As the pandemic unfolded, our homeschooling community transformed into a mix of independence and staunch conservatism that led many to reject mask-wearing. Posts began circulating asking where mask mandates were in place, so gatherings could avoid those areas. Individuals refusing to wear masks revealed their anti-scientific stance, choosing to believe misinformation over factual evidence. They seemed more willing to trust Trump or dubious online sources than actual science.
During a discussion about the state’s homeschool convention, someone asked if masks were required. A response echoed a sense of relief: “No! It’s great! Only about one in twenty people are wearing masks!” This convention was set in the most COVID-19 affected region of our state, with hundreds of attendees.
Seeking Connections
Given the lack of safety protocols in my previous mom group, I turned to local homeschooling groups to propose an outdoor, masked playdate once my husband and I were vaccinated. I was very clear about our vaccination status. The response was overwhelmingly negative.
In a heated thread that the administrators eventually deleted due to abusive comments, I faced intense backlash for even suggesting that others wear masks. The general sentiment was that since mask mandates had been lifted, children should not wear them because they needed fresh air, and enforcing such measures was seen as abusive. After all those comments, no one offered a playdate.
Eventually, I found two moms, neither of whom I knew, who were willing to meet for an outdoor masked playdate. I’ve met one of them, and she was lovely. Out of an entire homeschooling community, just two moms were open to my request.
I also frequently comment on threads where moms are looking for friends for their children, offering masked outdoor playdates. However, no one has ever taken me up on it.
A Disheartening Experience
Another mom posted about being new to the area and seeking friends, especially older moms. We had many interests in common, so I reached out, suggesting a masked outdoor playdate. I did mention that we might not agree on everything, but I was open to meeting.
She responded positively but mentioned that they didn’t wear masks. I couldn’t believe it.
Is it really that hard to wear a piece of fabric over your face to prevent the spread of a potentially deadly virus? Even if someone believes it has no effect, isn’t it considerate to wear a mask for others’ comfort? The homeschooling community here seems to be largely made up of individuals who deny the reality of COVID-19. They organize trips to farms and museums, and have football and cheerleading teams. There’s simply no space for someone like me, who has spent the year trying to adhere to safety measures.
Our masked playdate was fine, though it felt forced and awkward. It was clear we were there because we both recognized the reality of COVID-19. I was grateful for her company, but the pressure to make our kids connect was something I wasn’t used to. With so few opportunities for our children to interact, it felt like the stakes were higher than they should have been.
In the end, it was a reminder of how isolating this experience has been for those of us who prioritize safety during the pandemic.
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Summary
The author reflects on the challenges faced within their homeschooling community during the pandemic, particularly their struggles to find like-minded individuals who prioritize safety measures such as mask-wearing. They recount negative experiences when attempting to organize masked playdates and highlight the lack of support from their existing social circle.