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My son has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), and it feels like a relentless battle that no parent should have to endure. When things are going well, they are fantastic, but during the tough times, all I want to do is retreat to my bed and cry. He just turned 13, and along with typical teenage moods, I find myself facing constant defiance and arguments. It’s incredibly draining. I love him deeply, but I find it hard to like him at times. What kind of mother admits that? One who feels emotionally spent? That’s where I am, and I’m at a loss for what to do next.
Yes, we have sought counseling—both together and separately. My partner and I have worked with a therapist to learn parenting strategies to help mitigate these conflicts. These methods worked well when he was younger, but now that he’s a teenager, his resistance feels unyielding. He seems to have chosen me as his target.
After a rough day at school, he often comes home looking for an argument. It could be about something that happened months ago, but if there’s a chance to debate, he’s all in. The most frustrating part is that I often engage in these arguments too. I get so tired of the constant bickering. I’m the parent; I should be in control, yet here I am, feeling bullied by my own child. I know I should take a step back. Experts advise me to breathe deeply and walk away, suggesting responses like, “I can’t discuss this right now. Let’s talk when you’re calm.” That approach worked for a while, but now I just want to shout—and sometimes I do. This makes me feel like a terrible mother, like I’ve failed. This isn’t the parenting journey I envisioned.
His attitude impacts our entire family. It’s as if his negativity seeps into our home. His siblings are affected too. In my efforts to manage his behavior, I often overlook their needs, which isn’t fair. They are beginning to resent him for the mood he creates. They don’t want to witness our arguments; they just want normalcy.
My relationship with him feels far from typical at the moment. The hardest part is that he seems aware of his actions. Occasionally, he storms off only to return moments later to apologize. Sometimes this is just a ploy to get what he wants, but other times, his apologies feel genuine. When he’s sincere, he is calm, relaxed, and his voice is soothing. Those moments often bring me to tears because I see the boy I love beneath the surface. I miss him and wonder how I raised a child who seems to disregard my authority. I thought I had done better than this.
ODD isn’t a choice for him; it’s a behavioral disorder. Deep down, I believe he doesn’t want to be this way. His brain functions differently than mine. He reacts with anger and defiance in situations where I would simply agree to disagree and move on. He struggles with this, and sometimes outright refuses to comply. This is disheartening. Despite my attempts to explain how his behavior hurts me and others, he persists. It feels like he doesn’t care.
My son is exceptionally intelligent and charmingly handsome. He holds a unique place in my heart, which makes it difficult to admit that I’m struggling with my role as his mother. He needs my support and guidance, and I provide that willingly. I enjoy making his lunch, playing with his hair, doing his laundry, and tidying up his room. I want to be the best mom possible, but I harbor resentment towards his behavior. I feel guilty, wondering if I’ve created a toxic environment. Have I failed him? Will things ever improve? I pray about these worries daily.
It’s important to note that it’s not always bad. He can be quite fun and affectionate. He loves playing games and sharing stories. His laughter is infectious, and his bright green eyes bring joy to my life. I crave more of those moments and want a peaceful family environment. My greatest wish is to understand the source of his anger and why he feels like I’m ruining his life. My other children don’t feel this way, and while I know comparisons aren’t helpful, it’s a stark contrast in parenting experiences. He feels like the odd one out, and that breaks my heart.
Doctors have reassured me that children can outgrow ODD and become well-adjusted adults. The later it manifests, the better they tend to manage it as they age. Since it began around age 10, I find comfort in that. I’m also grateful that his behavior is more contained to home and not directed towards teachers or other adults. I can handle this. It’s what I signed up for, even if it’s not the conventional path. After all, does life ever go exactly as planned?
He was my firstborn, the child who made me a mother. I’ll always be thankful for how he’s changed me for the better. He challenges me and tests my limits, but he also loves me, and I know that. He’s just a kid who struggles and needs me as his advocate, not an adversary. I believe we can overcome this together. I remain hopeful that things will improve with time. I must stay committed to this journey, focusing on disengaging during conflicts. It’s up to me to bring out the best in him.
My heart will never give up on him. I just need to keep my perspective clear and remember not to fight back. We both deserve better. I must be the role model he needs, transforming from a victim to a victor. I will guide him through this struggle toward a brighter future, simply because I love him more than anything.
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Summary:
This heartfelt piece reflects on the challenges faced by a mother raising a son with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. She shares her emotional struggles, the impact of her son’s behavior on family dynamics, and her desire to reconnect with the loving child she knows is still inside him. Despite the difficulties, she remains hopeful for improvement and committed to being the supportive parent he needs.