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When I was younger, my struggles with depression were overwhelming. As I matured, I faced significant trauma, which intensified my mental health challenges with severe PTSD. Therapy has played a crucial role in my mental well-being as an adult, but regaining trust in this resource took years after a profound betrayal by my therapist during my teenage years. They disclosed my secrets to my family, shattering my faith in mental health professionals. I often reflect on how different my life could have been if I hadn’t lost that trust and sought help sooner.
Growing up in a conservative society in Jordan, where expressing my identity as a gay man was dangerous, I felt the need to conceal who I was. The loss of my mother deepened my depression, leading to substance abuse in my teenage years. In my new book, The Kingdom’s Sandcastle, I explore the tumultuous journey of my mental health, the societal pressures I faced, and the trauma that weighed heavily on me. After a series of crises, including a drug overdose, my family forced me into therapy. Unfortunately, I soon discovered that my therapist was sharing my private struggles with my aunt, who had always been hostile towards me.
This betrayal was shocking and led me to abandon therapy altogether. My substance use spiraled, and I found myself in an abusive relationship. During these vulnerable years, when professional help could have made a significant difference, I turned my back on therapy, dismissing the entire field and its potential for healing. Those years were dark, and I still carry the scars from that time.
Rebuilding Trust in Therapy
Rebuilding trust in therapy is an arduous process, especially after such a painful experience. The long period of untreated depression and PTSD took its toll, making it an uphill battle to mend the damage done to my mental health.
The first step towards regaining trust was acknowledging my need for mental health care. For years, I was in denial, attempting to ignore my past, but the trauma and depression were ever-present. Gradually, I learned that it’s never too late to seek help, regardless of how far back the issues stem. Suppressing my feelings only caused them to linger and grow.
Establishing a reliable support system outside of therapy was also vital. Once I recognized that I needed to confront my past, I began speaking with close friends before seeking professional help. While they couldn’t replace the expertise of a therapist, they provided a safe space for me to express my feelings. This small support network ultimately encouraged me to return to therapy.
With this foundation in place, I realized that not all therapists are the same. One unethical experience does not define the entire profession. Although this was a challenging lesson, my supportive friends and my commitment to my mental well-being helped me overcome my past betrayal. It was a long journey, but it was necessary, and I am a healthier person for it.
The Importance of Self-Care
Mental health struggles are real, and self-care is essential. If you find yourself navigating these issues alone, know that support is out there. Your network may already be surrounding you; it’s up to you to recognize your needs and take action. Therapy can be a powerful tool for healing, and I encourage anyone dealing with unresolved emotional wounds to pursue it. If I could learn to trust a therapist again after such a betrayal, so can you. Lean on your support system—they can help you find a therapist you feel comfortable with. It could be the best decision you ever make, as it was for me.
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In summary, the journey toward healing from betrayal in therapy is arduous but possible. Establishing a support network, recognizing the need for help, and understanding that not all therapists are the same are crucial steps in regaining trust and improving mental health.