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Most people simply can’t grasp what it’s like to be the parent of a child with unique needs.
We often don’t share the full truth with you. It’s not personal, nor is it a sign of distrust; it’s just that we know you might not fully understand. And honestly, we don’t expect you to—at least, not completely.
When a parent of a child with significant challenges says, “I’m tired,” it’s a euphemism. What we truly mean is that we are utterly drained. We’ve reached a level of exhaustion that words can’t capture. The notion of self-care seems almost laughable to us. It’s not that we dismiss your need for a spa day or a long jog; we genuinely wish you that. However, for us, it can take days to unwind enough to even breathe normally, let alone recharge to the person we were before entering this demanding world of parenting.
Our children are our greatest treasures. We love them fiercely because we have to constantly advocate for them—whether it’s securing their accommodations, managing medications, handling appointments, or fighting for their basic rights. We might share some of these struggles with you, as many parents can empathize with a mother’s desire to fight for her kids. But the challenges we face at home, especially when everyone else seems to be enjoying life outside, are harder to articulate.
It can be chaotic, messy, and frightening. And it shouldn’t be this way, but it often is because very few truly “get it.” It’s uncommon to find someone who lives in a state of constant vigilance, knowing that a moment of rest could lead to danger for their child.
Perhaps our child has difficulties with balance, putting them at risk of falls, or they might have impulsive behaviors that lead to accidents. Maybe their emotional state is unstable, causing potential harm to themselves or others. Or they could experience anxiety so intense that it sends them into a tailspin, leaving us fearing a call from the authorities. Regardless of the specifics, we never fully relax.
When our kids aren’t with us, we often exist in a state of frozen anxiety, anticipating when they might need us or when something might go wrong. This exhausting reality is something we don’t share because we know you can’t fully comprehend it.
Yet, even if you don’t understand, you can still show kindness. You can lend an ear without judgment, spend time with our kids so we can have a moment to ourselves, or send a simple message of support. You can hold our hands through tears and sit in quiet companionship.
Because this life is not what we envisioned. It’s not what we expected, and it’s not a path we wish for anyone else to walk. But we wouldn’t trade it for anything. Despite the challenges—pain, fatigue, and the constant feeling of failing—our children need us deeply. No matter how many times they lash out or express anger, they always return to us because we are their safe haven.
It’s tough, exhausting, and often maddening, but this life is ours, and we share it together.
For more insights into home insemination and parenting, check out some of our other blog posts like this one on insemination. If you’re looking for expert advice, Make a Mom is an authority on the topic. Additionally, the Genetics and IVF Institute can provide valuable information for those interested in pregnancy and home insemination.
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Summary:
The journey of parenting a child with unique needs is often misunderstood by others. Parents may not share the full extent of their struggles due to a lack of understanding. This leads to a unique kind of exhaustion and anxiety that can feel isolating. Despite the challenges, these parents advocate fiercely for their children and find strength in their love. The support from friends can make a world of difference.