Trigger Warning: Abuse
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I always sensed that our relationship was unhealthy, yet my longing for marriage and a family overshadowed my instincts. The toxicity was so apparent that just a week before the wedding, my father sat down with me at lunch and even offered me money not to go through with it—not out of spite, but from genuine concern for my safety.
My ex-husband had exhibited aggression, but alcohol amplified his mean and abusive behavior. While the physical abuse was limited, the verbal and emotional torment became a nightly ordeal. Terms like “slut” and phrases such as “you are nothing without me” and “no one would ever believe you” were his weapons of choice when he wanted to inflict pain. Things escalated to the point where one night, my father had to book me a hotel room after my ex attempted to grab the steering wheel while I was driving, trying to steer us off the road. I truly believe he didn’t want me to survive, but he also didn’t want to appear as the villain. Despite this, I remained, convinced that having a child would transform him into a better person.
Our daughter, born in 2016, only exacerbated the situation. It’s not her fault, of course, but when a narcissist finds another way to manipulate you—especially involving your most cherished person—the environment can become especially toxic. He used our child as a pawn and to gaslight me.
The arguments became so intense that my toddler would curl up on top of me, as if her tiny body could shield me from the chaos around us. He even threw me out of our home at 2:00 a.m., packing my suitcase while drunk. I drove 45 minutes to my parents’ house and knocked on the door at 3:00 a.m., only to see my mom’s knowing expression that said, “I already know what he did to you.”
No apologies or remorse ever came. That’s when I realized I was married to a monster, not a person. Calling me derogatory names, physically intimidating me, and demonstrating aggression were not signs of love. Pretending to be a caring spouse in public only to unleash fury in private was not love.
So, my daughter and I left with only one suitcase of her belongings. He might not understand what love truly is, but I did—and it was embodied in my daughter. We left to ensure she would never live in a home filled with fear. We left so she could grow up understanding what genuine love feels like. We left so she would never doubt her worth because her mother had lost sight of hers.
Nearly five years later, we are thriving and safe. My almost-five-year-old now enjoys a loving home with me, her stepfather, and her brothers. To this day, I haven’t received an apology or acknowledgment of his wrongdoings, yet I find peace knowing he will have to confront that one day—not from me, but from a higher authority. We are liberated from the pain and hurt.
This article was originally published on June 5, 2021.
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Summary:
Sometimes, love means recognizing when to leave a toxic relationship for the sake of yourself and your children. This story illustrates the journey of a woman who, despite knowing her marriage was unhealthy, chose to prioritize her daughter’s well-being over a harmful partnership. After enduring emotional and verbal abuse, she ultimately escaped with her child, finding healing and safety. Now, they thrive in a loving environment, having left behind the pain of their past.