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In this advice column, we tackle the challenges of life, love, and everything in between. This week, we explore what to do when managing a partner’s mental health struggles becomes increasingly difficult.
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
I’m feeling completely overwhelmed by my partner’s depression. I hate to admit it because I truly love him, and we’ve created a wonderful life together. When he’s feeling well, he’s nearly flawless: a fantastic parent, a supportive partner, and always eager to help out around the house. But when his depression hits, he isolates himself in bed—working, eating, and watching TV without leaving the room. Meanwhile, I’m left to juggle the kids, manage my job, and take care of the home and pets. It’s an unfair load, and I’m utterly drained. It’s hard to see him just sitting there while I’m running around, making lunch during conference calls, and handling household tasks. I know these depressive episodes are temporary, but they can drag on for months. I understand it’s not something he can just fix, and he’s under a doctor’s care and on medication. Still, I feel angry, resentful, and exhausted. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Understanding Your Feelings
First and foremost, it’s essential to acknowledge your feelings, and there’s no need to feel guilty about them. You are under immense pressure, balancing the demands of the household while also caring for your partner. It’s entirely natural to feel stressed in such a situation. Remember, it doesn’t make you a bad person; it simply makes you human.
Recognizing the Illness
Second, it’s crucial to recognize that your partner’s struggles are not his fault. While it can be challenging to feel empathy during his depressive episodes, remind yourself that this is an illness that disrupts both of your lives. Just as we wouldn’t tell someone with a broken leg to “just walk it off,” we must understand that mental health issues deserve the same level of compassion and consideration. Your partner likely feels guilty about the burden he’s placing on you, which adds another layer to his struggle.
Encouraging Professional Help
It seems he is actively seeking help, but you might want to explore whether he’s also engaged in therapy along with his medication. It could be beneficial for both of you.
Prioritizing Your Well-Being
During these challenging times, prioritize your well-being. You can’t take care of others if you’re running on empty. Don’t hesitate to lean on family and friends for support; it’s okay to ask for help with the kids or household responsibilities. Consider taking time off work when you can, allowing yourself moments of self-care, even if that means just zoning out on the couch. Adjust your expectations—sometimes, it’s okay to let things slide. Look into caregiver support groups where you can connect with others who have experienced similar situations.
Preparing for Future Episodes
When your partner is feeling better, you might consider preparing for the next depressive episode by cooking meals in advance, having fun activities for the kids ready, or even gifting yourself some time off. These small preparations can alleviate stress when you’re managing everything alone.
Taking Care of Your Mental Health
Taking care of your mental health is vital when your partner is struggling. It’s not only okay; it’s essential.
For more insights into navigating this situation, you might find helpful resources here: March of Dimes.
Summary
This column discusses the emotional toll that a partner’s depression can take on the caregiver. It’s essential to recognize your feelings and prioritize self-care while supporting your loved one. Seeking help from friends and family, and possibly professional resources, can make a significant difference in managing the household and your mental well-being.