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In eighth grade, my social circle took a turn. The girls I had spent junior high with suddenly seemed uninterested in including me in their plans. I often found myself trying to join in only to be told it was easier for them because they all played sports together, while I didn’t.
One day, as my mom washed the dishes, I gathered my courage to share my feelings. Sitting at the kitchen table, I finally admitted that I was heartbroken over the loss of my friends. Without even turning around, she casually remarked, “Oh, girls can be silly. You’ll find new friends.”
While that may have been true, it felt like my world was crumbling. I had been close to those girls for so long, and losing them felt devastating. I started to wonder if it was because I didn’t play sports or had gained some weight, or perhaps it was because I befriended someone from my art class who wasn’t in their group.
After that conversation, I hesitated to share my feelings with my mom again. It wasn’t just that moment; there were previous instances where her dismissive attitude made me feel like my problems were trivial. I learned to confide in others, like my high school English teacher during my struggle with anorexia, or my boyfriend when I faced days of despair.
When I experienced a tough breakup after college and wanted to seek comfort at home, I felt more like a bother than a priority. My mom didn’t fully grasp my sadness, nor did it disrupt her daily routine. She lacked the time or energy to check in with me.
This upbringing taught me to manage my issues independently, which has its pros and cons. When I became a parent, I promised myself I would always take my children’s feelings seriously. A friend shared a similar experience about her mother’s lack of empathy after a high school breakup, which only deepened my resolve.
Now, as the parent of three teenagers, I’m acutely aware of the rising anxiety and depression rates among their peers. It’s easy to think they have it better than we did, free from adult worries like bills or meals. I refuse to ever voice that sentiment, even if I perceive their struggles as minor.
Why? Because if I dismiss their issues, they will stop confiding in me. They’ll stop sharing both the bad and the good. If I downplay their conflicts, they might feel that their accomplishments don’t matter either.
Sometimes, we feel down without a clear reason. Imagine if your partner told you that your feelings were unreasonable and to just cheer up. That’s what toxic positivity looks like, and it helps no one.
I’ve had days where I feel off, unmotivated, or anxious without a clear cause. It’s crucial to normalize these feelings with our kids. It’s perfectly acceptable to not be okay, even when we can’t pinpoint why. Factors like hormones, weather, sleep, and diet all contribute to our emotional states. There doesn’t always need to be a specific trigger for sadness or anxiety. Dismissing feelings only serves to exacerbate them.
Listening to our teens is far more beneficial than making them feel ashamed for their emotions. Most people mask their sadness rather than their happiness. It’s a significant effort for a child to pretend they’re okay when they’re not; they don’t need us adding pressure to act cheerful.
If you’ve been a child whose feelings were brushed aside, you know the impact. You certainly don’t want to make your own child feel that way. Ignoring their emotions won’t make them vanish; it will likely intensify them.
We must acknowledge the immense pressures today’s teens face and ensure they feel safe expressing all their feelings, no matter how trivial they may seem.
For more insights on parenting and emotional support, check out this post on intracervicalinsemination.com. Additionally, if you’re exploring the journey of parenthood, resources like Make a Mom can provide valuable information. For those seeking guidance on family-building options, Resolve is an excellent resource.
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Summary:
This article discusses the importance of acknowledging and validating the feelings of teenagers, drawing from the author’s personal experiences of feeling dismissed by her mother. It emphasizes that dismissive attitudes can lead to a lack of communication and support, which is critical during adolescence. The author reflects on how her upbringing shaped her parenting style, vowing to take her children’s emotions seriously to create an environment where they feel safe expressing themselves.