Navigating the teenage years is challenging enough, filled with self-doubt, emotional turmoil, and the pressure to excel. Then, one day, my dad dropped a bombshell: he was gay. It added another layer of complexity to my already tumultuous life.
It was his weekend to have my brother and me over at his apartment. My parents had divorced when I was 8, and I couldn’t remember the reasons behind it. He seemed anxious as he picked us up, tension lingering from his interaction with my mom. I sensed something was off, but at 14, I couldn’t fathom the truth. As we took the longer route to his place, he lit up a cigarette. Then, turning down the radio, he said, “I need to tell you both something.”
Was he okay? Moving? Remarrying? Or worse, was he sick?
“I’m gay.”
In an instant, tears welled up in my eyes. I wasn’t upset or angry; it was just a lot to digest all at once. I cried until we arrived at his apartment. Despite the shock, my brother and I decided to stay the night—so many questions raced through my mind.
My dad had always known he was gay but felt he couldn’t share this with his conservative family, who held beliefs aligned with the Westboro Baptist Church regarding homosexuality. Ironically, my mom was the first person he confided in. He loved her, albeit not romantically, and tried to suppress his true self to fit a mold of “normal.” They got married, had children, and built a life together. Years later, he realized he couldn’t live a lie anymore. With my mom’s understanding, they divorced.
I get that it’s a confusing situation, even for me. I’ve had to explain it to others, and I still don’t fully understand it. What I do know is that my dad has always loved me unconditionally, and that’s the most important thing any parent can offer.
It took me some time to adjust to my dad being gay. While he remained the same person, my perception of him evolved, which is neither right nor wrong—it simply was. I had to learn to see and accept him for who he truly was. With no previous exposure to anyone openly gay, I had a lot of mental adjustments to make. Gradually, it started to make sense to me.
The moment I realized I was truly accepting it was during a family movie night when we both agreed that Brad Pitt was incredibly attractive. Nothing solidifies acceptance like bonding over a shared crush with your gay dad!
Having a gay father sets me apart, and I appreciate the unique upbringing it has given me. While some values must be taught, I’ve lived them. No one needed to instruct me that everyone deserves equal rights. My dad’s preference for men shouldn’t affect the way he is treated. If I want equality for my dad, I naturally want it for others too.
I didn’t need anyone to teach me about acceptance. Loving my dad for who he is makes it easier to embrace others, regardless of race, religion, or sexual orientation. My dad’s identity instilled in me a profound sense of tolerance.
Moreover, no one had to tell me that love transcends boundaries. I witnessed my dad’s love for my mom and now see his love for his male partner. Sometimes love chooses you, and you have little say in the matter.
While having a gay parent isn’t the norm, I would choose this unconventional experience over a typical upbringing any day. I love my dad, and I wouldn’t change him for the world.
For more insights on family dynamics and acceptance, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination at March of Dimes. You can also explore the various options available for at-home insemination kits at Make a Mom.
Summary
Growing up with a gay dad has profoundly shaped my understanding of love, tolerance, and acceptance. Though it was initially difficult to grasp, I now celebrate the unique lessons my upbringing has taught me about equality, love, and embracing differences.