The Dilemma with the Saying, “The Universe Won’t Give You More Than You Can Handle”

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A few weeks ago, my eleven-year-old daughter, Sophie, fainted unexpectedly. After a visit to the pediatrician, a few standard tests showed no immediate issues, so we returned home and tried to resume life as usual. However, she fainted again, and this time I was able to catch her before she hit the ground. This led us back to the doctor, who ordered more extensive tests, including a detailed blood panel and assessments of her motor skills and cognitive abilities. Following these evaluations, we were referred to a pediatric cardiologist. Sophie went home to rest while I returned to an emotional state filled with anxiety.

My heart ached not only for my daughter but also because I was reminded of the past. I had previously witnessed my husband endure similar testing years ago, passing with ease before his cancer diagnosis took a tragic turn. I had held him as he collapsed, and the memories flooded back during Sophie’s tests.

Once I found the strength to speak, I reached out to a friend, sharing my fears and the anxiety that came with watching my daughter go through these evaluations. I confessed that, for a brief moment in that examination room, I felt the urge to flee. It was overwhelming to consider what the doctor might say next. Even though I knew my daughter’s situation was different from my husband’s, the fear of the worst kept creeping in. I felt unprepared to face this reality again—this time for my child.

In an attempt to comfort me, my well-meaning friend remarked that everything would turn out fine, insisting that “the universe won’t give you more than you can handle.” While I knew she meant well, her words did little to ease my fears. Instead, I felt as though my emotions and concerns were being dismissed.

The Problem with the Phrase

This phrase, “the universe won’t give you more than you can handle,” is problematic for several reasons. Primarily, it can come off as dismissive and invalidating. It implies that the struggles someone is facing are not genuinely difficult because, presumably, the universe wouldn’t allow that. In times of distress, when individuals need to be heard, such statements can feel like a refusal to acknowledge their pain.

Additionally, this perspective requires a belief in a fair and benevolent universe—something I’ve found to be untrue. Life is often chaotic and unpredictable, and many individuals face challenges that exceed their abilities to cope. Countless people are enduring hardships that are simply too much to bear, whether they stem from financial, medical, or emotional struggles.

Furthermore, there’s an underlying privilege in the belief that the universe will only give you what you can manage. Those who find it easier to trust this notion typically have access to resources—be it financial stability, emotional support, or adequate healthcare—that many lack. It’s far easier to handle life’s challenges when you are not grappling with significant burdens.

The harsh reality is that occasionally, we do receive more than we can manage. Denying this truth can be damaging. It prevents us from recognizing our limits, and it can hinder our ability to acknowledge when we are truly overwhelmed. Life doesn’t come with guarantees of a happy ending.

How to Offer Support

When comforting a friend, there are more supportive responses than invoking the universe. The simplest yet most effective approach is to simply be present. Listen and validate their feelings, recognizing that sometimes, life does present challenges that can be overwhelming. Assure them they are not alone, regardless of what lies ahead, and express your willingness to be there for them without judgment.

As for Sophie’s fainting episodes, we are still searching for answers, but for now, she seems to be okay. While I managed to cope with this latest medical scare, it was not due to any cosmic assurance but rather the support of attentive doctors and compassionate friends, alongside a realistic understanding of life’s unpredictability.

For more insights on navigating challenges, check out this other blog post, or visit Make a Mom for expert guidance on home insemination and pregnancy. Healthline also offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, which can be quite helpful.

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In summary, it’s vital to acknowledge that the universe might not always deal fair hands. When offering support, it’s better to listen and validate rather than dismiss the challenges others face.