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Dear Young Queer,
First and foremost, I want to express how proud I am of you. You faced so many challenges just to attend your first Pride parade at the age of 22. You recognized that you were “different” since kindergarten, but that difference was essential to becoming who you truly are. It took nearly two decades after witnessing others celebrate their identities with rainbow flags before you found your own sense of belonging. Back then, words like “queer” and “nonbinary” weren’t even in your vocabulary. You were navigating a world that felt largely off-limits, and while the label of “lesbian” felt tainted with shame, it was the closest fit at that moment in time.
When you finally came out, you found acceptance among others who didn’t demand explanations. However, even in that welcoming space, you still felt like an outsider. The freedom to choose clothing and hairstyles that resonated with you felt undeserved. Your understanding of your sexuality and gender identity hadn’t yet developed, so you clung to terms like “butch” and “dyke” to express your love while avoiding labels that felt uncomfortable. Attending your first LGBT conference, you struggled with your feelings toward young trans men; a part of you longed for what they had yet you didn’t fully grasp it yet.
You must forgive yourself for the frustration you felt towards those boys; one day, you will experience the same pain when others question your identity. There’s so much you have yet to learn about yourself and the community that will eventually feel like home.
Your education about queerness will come from various sources: books, films, and the internet, but most importantly from the trailblazers who came before you. You have always admired those who lived openly; they paved the way for you to explore the parts of yourself that felt misplaced. The fear of being openly gay during a time when same-sex civil unions were merely a discussion will resonate deeply with you. You’ll always be grateful to the activists and queer elders who fought for the rights you enjoy today, even if you don’t yet understand the toll it took on them.
As time passes, you will find that Pride evokes a bittersweet feeling—anticipation mingled with disappointment for humanity. Embracing your identity means confronting discrimination as the fight for equality continues, and you will witness both progress and backlash. Parenthood will awaken a fierce protectiveness in you that is unlike anything you’ve ever felt. You will invest everything in the children you adopt, and when one of them identifies as transgender, you will fiercely defend her, even if it means confronting uncomfortable truths within your own community.
You’ll come out as nonbinary at 38, feeling as though time has slipped away, yet that familiar embarrassment will return as you ask others to accept your true self once again. You will learn about gender dysphoria and euphoria, and realize that the ease with which people respect your pronouns reflects more on them than on you. This realization may lead to a sense of jadedness that you will struggle to overcome, as you work to preserve your queer joy.
You will come to understand that no matter how your pride evolves, it remains an integral part of you. From innocent enthusiasm to a more radical perspective on queerness, you’ll recognize that every individual’s journey is valid—and sometimes you will disagree with that notion. But remember, journeys aren’t linear, and everyone deserves the time to discover who they are.
You will become a leader and an advocate, often feeling misunderstood within your own circle, but you will no longer apologize for your passion. You’ll fight for what you need and for the future of young queer individuals and the children you’re raising. Each Pride will bring a renewed sense of relief as you immerse yourself in the majority, and ultimately, you will feel whole. While this may require removing past labels and undergoing significant changes, you will find an abundance of acceptance on the other side.
Witnessing someone experience their first Pride will reignite the joy of stepping into their own queerness, reminding you to occasionally set aside the burdens you carry. You are incredibly resilient, and your love for your queer life will continue to shine brightly. Pride symbolizes a convergence of experiences, and it’s crucial to remember that you fight not just for the struggle, but because you are deserving of all the glitter, scars, and queer magic life has to offer.
With all my love,
Your Future Self