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For as long as I can remember, I questioned whether I had been adopted. It was hard to believe that I could be related to my family members, as I always felt so out of place. The treatment I received only reinforced this feeling; I never felt welcomed or like I truly belonged. The idea that I might not be related to these people actually made sense to me. I felt like an outsider, and perhaps, I actually was.
Despite knowing I wasn’t adopted and that my family was indeed my biological family, they never felt like my “real” family. During the hardest moments of my childhood, I took solace in the hope that my true family would one day come for me. The concept of a “real family” was vague to me back then; I was too young to articulate that what I was really yearning for was love and a sense of belonging.
I endured years of mistreatment from my family, where every adult relative displayed cruelty. Those who didn’t directly participate in the abuse often stood by, which sometimes felt even worse. To cope, I normalized this toxic environment. It wasn’t a conscious choice, but constantly feeling unjustly treated only to be met with gaslighting took a toll on my mental well-being. I felt I had to accept my circumstances because, in my experience, this was what family dynamics looked like.
As I entered my twenties, I began to recognize just how much I had accepted as normal. I met a man named Mark, who would eventually become my husband. He introduced me to his family, who were so kind that they seemed almost strange to me. Whenever I visited them with Mark, I was met with warmth and kindness. No one made fun of my looks, and there were no arguments. Despite my anticipation of negativity, nothing bad ever happened.
At first, I was unsure how to navigate my feelings toward Mark’s family. I liked them and appreciated how they made me feel, but it was also unsettling. It forced me to confront the fact that my own family’s behavior was far from normal. Healthy children don’t spend their formative years wishing to be rescued by their “real family,” and healthy adults don’t feel anxiety when receiving kindness from a partner’s family.
When Mark proposed, I was filled with dread about how his family would react. My apprehension was unfounded, as they had never given me any cause for concern. His mother expressed her joy and affection for me in a way I had never experienced before. It struck me that I wasn’t accustomed to maternal figures offering genuine compliments without ulterior motives. Her words were sincere, and the rest of his family shared in the happiness.
There was no judgment, no unkindness—just unconditional acceptance. Was this what a “real family” felt like?
The aftermath of abuse doesn’t simply vanish once the abusive situation ends. Conditions like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can arise after trauma, whether it’s immediate or years later. While I don’t suffer from PTSD, I still carry the scars of my past. Even after the abuse had ceased when I met Mark’s family, I found that the absence of trauma allowed me the space to reflect on my experiences. During the abuse, I was focused on surviving; now, I was beginning to process everything.
It took time to relax around Mark’s family. Gradually, I realized that this was my true family. They unknowingly aided my healing by providing me with the very things I had been denied for so long: kindness, stability, consistency, and unconditional acceptance. For those accustomed to such experiences, these may not seem like gifts, but for me, they were extraordinary. I will always cherish these simple acts of compassion as the greatest gifts I’ve ever received.
Ultimately, my childhood dream of finding my real family has finally come true.
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Summary:
The author shares their journey of breaking away from a toxic family environment and discovering a loving, supportive family through their partner. After years of abuse and feeling like an outsider, they find healing and acceptance with their partner’s family, ultimately realizing their childhood dream of finding their true family.