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Trigger Warning: Eating Disorders
I vividly recall the first time I experienced a binge; it feels like it happened just yesterday. It was three decades ago. After struggling with anorexia for more than a year, I had restricted myself to just 1,200 calories a day, a number I obsessively counted, and spent an hour and a half exercising daily. My health deteriorated—I lost my menstrual cycle, my hair began to thin, and I often dozed off in class.
What began as an attempt to shed a few pounds after puberty led to an unhealthy fixation on being thin. My diet consisted mainly of rice and vegetables, yet I was perpetually hungry. Food consumed my thoughts; I would dream about indulging in my favorite meals and spent hours fantasizing about eating. My desperation for sleep led me to take sleeping pills secretly, just to escape my cravings.
One evening, after returning from a basketball game while my parents slept, I noticed my dad had made a fresh batch of blueberry jelly. With twelve jars on the counter, I thought a small piece of bread with jelly—fat-free, after all—wouldn’t hurt. But that night took a drastic turn; within half an hour, I had devoured an entire loaf of bread and two jars of jelly. I went to bed feeling ashamed and resolved not to eat the next day, only to find myself binging again after dinner.
This pattern of bingeing and self-loathing persisted for years, becoming a ritual I performed in secret, often sitting on the kitchen floor in darkness. I was acutely aware of my actions yet felt powerless to stop them. Back in the early ’90s, I had no idea what binge eating was. I even attempted to make myself sick but never succeeded.
Binge eating, or compulsive eating, is characterized by consuming large amounts of food in a short time, accompanied by a feeling of loss of control. This differs significantly from an occasional craving or a binge due to stress. The National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases (NIDDK) notes that if binge eating occurs at least once a week for three months, it may be classified as binge eating disorder. After these episodes, individuals often feel deep regret and shame, yet breaking the cycle can be incredibly challenging. Unlike bulimia, binge eating does not involve purging.
Jazz Jennings, a 20-year-old transgender activist, recently shared her struggles with binge eating on Instagram, stating, “I suffer from binge-eating disorder, a disease in which I’m not only addicted to food, but I eat it in large quantities.” She revealed that her binge eating—exacerbated by medication—has led to a weight gain of nearly 100 pounds in two years. By publicly addressing her weight gain, Jennings is taking a significant step in holding herself accountable, which is commendable. I wish such conversations had been more prevalent during my youth, as they can greatly help others feel less isolated in their struggles.
Binge eating can happen to individuals of any body type, although it is more prevalent among those with obesity. However, it’s crucial to emphasize that most people with obesity do not have binge eating disorder. The dangers of binge eating are very real; according to the National Eating Disorders Association, it can be life-threatening. Those affected may feel uncomfortable eating around others, frequently diet, exhibit signs of depression, and experience significant weight fluctuations.
If you live with someone who has binge eating disorder, you may notice food disappearing at an alarming rate. I often binged at night when my parents were asleep and would hear their comments about the missing food. After several close calls, I started buying my own food and disposing of the wrappers outside to hide my actions.
Binge eating is akin to an addiction. It wasn’t until I sought therapy that I fully grasped the severity of my situation. Quitting felt like a loss; I had grown accustomed to my solitary time with food. Fortunately, binge eating is treatable, and full recovery is entirely possible—I haven’t binged in over 25 years.
If you suspect that you or a loved one may have binge eating disorder, consult a doctor who can refer you to a mental health professional. Treatment may include therapy focused on changing eating habits and addressing underlying psychological issues. My therapy helped me identify triggers, and I learned to discard the scale and avoid extended periods without eating, both of which contributed to my binge urges.
The National Eating Disorder Association offers valuable resources for anyone affected by binge eating, whether directly or through a loved one. Remember, support is available, and you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
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In summary, Jazz Jennings’ candid discussion about her experiences with binge eating offers important insights into the disorder. Binge eating is a serious condition that can affect anyone, and recognizing the signs is crucial for seeking help. With appropriate treatment and support, recovery is achievable.