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We can all agree that the past year has been a tough one, not just for real-life folks but also for my social media connections. With our kids experiencing a truncated school year, academic awards and end-of-season trophies were few and far between—resulting in a lack of those proud parent posts featuring toothy, bespectacled elementary schoolers. And let’s not even get started on selfies—who in their right mind would share a filtered pic during a time when everyone was experimenting with DIY haircuts and letting their eyebrows run wild? Gone were the sunny Aruba bikini shots; instead, we found ourselves sinking into our recliners, embracing our natural state, and daydreaming of the day we could safely travel again.
Like many of you, my Facebook feed dwindled down to an endless stream of memes featuring pets I didn’t even know. The era of the “brag post” seemed to be fading. But then, out of nowhere, everyone started shouting about a new lockdown-friendly pursuit: reading. Suddenly, I was bombarded with reading challenges, and I learned that Sarah had just polished off her 45,361st book while you were trailing behind at 45,359. I, on the other hand, wasn’t about to win any literary competitions; my biggest commitment was probably just skimming the back of a lime Oikos yogurt and re-reading “Hyperbole and a Half” for the umpteenth time. But while I may not have shone in the reading department, I definitely excelled in my obsession with reality TV.
So, feel free to flaunt your reading accomplishments—I’m going to sit back and revel in my unwavering addiction to “Married at First Sight” (or MAFS, as the fans affectionately call it).
Margaret Minnicks, writing for Reelrundown.com, astutely describes MAFS: “Married at First Sight is a Lifetime television series where couples are matched by experts to marry when they first meet at the altar….Though it is a reality show, it’s framed as a social experiment. Couples meet, marry, go on a honeymoon, and live together for eight weeks before deciding whether to stay married or divorce.”
I’ve watched all 12 seasons of American MAFS over the past few months—each season has around 25 episodes, with each episode typically running between 60 to 90 minutes. So, if you do the math (12 x 25 x 75), that adds up to approximately 22,500 minutes—or about 15.625 days—of my pandemic life dedicated to following my MAFS reality star buddies. And I did it in a fraction of the time it took you to list the books you’ve read—plus, let’s be honest, I didn’t fabricate anything.
While you were nestled on your couch pretending to enjoy “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” I was captivated, watching Jamie Otis (season 1) crumble in the hallway after marrying the goofy Doug Hehner. I witnessed their honeymoon as they navigated her post-wedding jitters, which were soothed by Doug’s charming personality and impressive physique. (I’ve sort of adopted the role of godmother to their three children, so there’s that.)
In the time it took you to get through the first 40 pages of “All the Light You Cannot See,” I became fast friends with Ashley Petta (season 5) and Anthony D’Amico. I was practically at their wedding! (I apologize for that little slip, but it had to be said.) They were infatuated with each other from day one, with their only conflict revolving around Ashley keeping her last name and a minor parking dispute. I anticipated a major fallout, but it never came.
While you were almost finished with Toni Morrison’s first novel, I was diving into MAFS seasons 3, 8, 6, 9, 12, and 7 (the beauty of MAFS is you can watch the seasons in any order). I cheered when Beth Bice (season 9) hilariously roasted her husband Jamie Thompson: “You don’t initiate anything. You just do basic Caucasian sex. And it’s just like ‘bam, bam done.’ That’s it.” Although they had their share of petty arguments, they ultimately chose to stay together on Decision Day, riding off toward their “happily ever after,” where I imagine they still throw tantrums and slam doors.
With all the stunning wedding ceremonies, instant chemistry, simmering tensions, and a handful of successful marriages (I think there are about four out of 158), MAFS features its share of cringe-worthy moments. When Neil Bowlus (season 3) donned his “Big Spoon” onesie and urged his new wife to wear the “Little Spoon” version, Sam Role’s scornful laughter made me want to hide under the bed. In season 12, Chris Williams made a jaw-dropping statement about having an issue with his patient and loving wife’s “face”—I wanted to slap him.
We also witnessed jaw-dropping cruelty when Molly Duff (season 6) relentlessly mocked her husband Jon Francetic, hurling “You’re disgusting!” at him repeatedly. And in season 8, Luke Cuccurullo told his wife, Kate Sisk, that he felt “repulsed” and “dead inside” when they kissed. Honestly, I’d love to see a MAFS spinoff matching Duff and Cuccurullo together just to watch them destroy each other.
Yes, I could have immersed myself in a novel or memoir, but I was glued to my screen, likely with a bucket of popcorn in hand. And let me be honest: at some point, I began fast-forwarding through the sweet moments to get to the juicy drama.
At a fundamental level, I know MAFS feeds my schadenfreude tendencies—there’s no quick fix like this from a book. Initially, I thought I was merely a spectator observing a social experiment. Now, I see myself as more of a voyeur, peeking through cracked blinds to catch glimpses of the raw, messy bits. In the end, it’s clear that if reality show voyeurism were a competitive sport, I’d be the reigning champion.
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Summary
In this humorous reflection, the author shares their experience binge-watching all 12 seasons of “Married At First Sight” during the pandemic, contrasting it with the reading achievements of their friends. They detail memorable moments, relationships, and the unique satisfaction that reality TV brings, ultimately embracing their role as a devoted fan of the show.