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For nearly two years, Lisa Harrington faced a heart-wrenching custody dispute over her two-year-old daughter, Mia. She had persistently urged the courts to grant her sole custody or at least mandate supervised visitation due to the alarming behavior of Mia’s father, Tom Reed. Tom had been engaging in unsettling and threatening actions towards Lisa, including stalking her and making ominous comments during arguments.
During her pregnancy, Lisa had warned Tom that he needed to seek help for his anger issues or their relationship would end. When he refused, she made the difficult decision to leave him. “I received the same advice many women do to ‘leave’ an abusive partner,” she recounted to Home Insemination Kit. “However, nobody prepares you for the challenges that arise once you escape and find yourself in family court. The abuse continues there, often escalating.”
Lisa recalled her initial court appearance, believing any judge would recognize Tom’s behavior as unacceptable. Instead, she found herself in a fight for their lives. “The family court system in our country often prioritizes the rights of the abuser over the safety of the child,” she explained. “From experience, I can say that the well-being of the child is not the foremost concern in custody matters.”
The Illusion of ‘Best Interests’
Although the phrase “best interests of the child” is often cited as the guiding principle, Lisa’s experiences illustrate a stark reality. When mothers express fear for their own or their child’s safety, judges frequently doubt their claims, suspecting exaggeration aimed at gaining custody. Such skepticism persists even in cases where thorough investigations by social workers or attorneys are lacking.
Judges often prioritize fathers’ rights, clinging to the belief that children fare best with both parents involved, which may hold true in non-abusive situations. However, this assumption frequently undermines serious allegations of abuse. In Lisa’s case, when she informed the court that Tom had been stalking her and violating court orders, a judge dismissed her concerns.
“Because of Judge Smith,” Lisa lamented, “Mia will never have the chance to grow up.”
Believing Survivors
It can be easy to empathize with judges and decision-makers who afford presumed innocence to parents accused of abuse. The complexities of divorce and separation can lead to heated emotions, prompting doubts about a mother’s motives when she alleges abuse.
However, much like instances of sexual assault, false allegations by mothers are exceedingly rare. A study from Sheppard and Enoch Pratt Hospital in Baltimore analyzed 27 custody cases across the U.S. involving initial doubts about abuse claims, only to find them substantiated later. In every case, the father was the abusive parent, while the mother fought valiantly to protect her child, often facing skepticism from the courts. A staggering two-thirds of mothers were labeled as “pathologized,” while the majority of fathers were granted sole or joint custody.
This trend illustrates that mothers often face punitive measures for speaking out against an abusive ex-partner, risking the loss of custody altogether. Lisa experienced similar challenges, with her attorney warning her that claims of abuse could jeopardize her credibility.
In a recent case from Florida, Sarah Lewis had been pleading with the courts to ensure her and her four-year-old son, Alex, remained safe from his father, whose erratic behavior had intensified. After a judge denied her request for protection, Alex’s father tragically took his life and that of his son.
A Mother’s Resolve
“Taking a child’s life is the ultimate revenge an abuser can enact,” Lisa shared. She emphasized the need for family courts to meticulously investigate allegations of abuse.
Despite reports indicating Tom’s aggressive behavior and documented threats, the authorities concluded there was no domestic violence, labeling the situation as “low risk.” “Imagine being a child forced to live with an abuser due to court orders,” Lisa urged. “Our judicial system needs reform to prevent these dire circumstances.”
Lisa has been actively collaborating with lawmakers in her state to advocate for bills aimed at enhancing child protection, including one aptly named Mia’s Law. This legislation seeks to prioritize child safety, mandate judicial training, and prevent abusers from gaining custody.
Despite enduring immense trauma and grief from both the court battle and the loss of her daughter, Lisa remains determined to advocate for change. “My focus is on making sure Mia didn’t die in vain,” she stated. She emphasizes the importance of legislative changes to spare other children from similar fates.
What You Can Do
For parents facing the threat of abuse from an ex-partner, Lisa advises, “Until we enact legislative changes, too many children will be court-ordered into the homes of their abusers.” She encourages individuals to contact their legislators and advocate for reforms, emphasizing that advocacy can take many forms.
“Every day, I strive to honor Mia’s memory,” she affirmed. “My love for her drives me to effectuate meaningful change.”
If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline for support and resources.
In summary, Lisa Harrington’s harrowing experience highlights the failures of the family court system in protecting children from abusive parents. Through advocacy and legislative efforts, she aims to create a safer environment for children at risk.