4 Sacrifices I Made to Become a Better Parent

1. Letting Go of the Pursuit for ‘Mom Friends’

“Have you connected with any other moms yet?” was a common question I faced during my son’s early months. I had heard about forming “lifelong friendships” through local mom groups, but it just wasn’t for me. Instead, I saw a group of anxious parents, each trying to navigate their own parenting journey while comparing themselves to others. So, I opted out of the mom group invites.

I ventured into the playground, a challenge for my introverted self, trying to strike up conversations with fellow moms. Ultimately, I decided to shift my focus away from making friendships and put my energy into bonding with my baby. I invested time in getting to know him through walks, playtime, and feeding, which helped to foster a strong attachment. While I still sought knowledge from other parents, I did so from a comfortable distance, avoiding the pressure of playdates. I explored online communities that aligned with my parenting philosophy, which reinforced my confidence as a parent and made forming friendships with other moms feel natural.

2. Abandoning Rigid Schedules

From the moment our children arrive, we’re inundated with milestones—growth charts, feeding schedules, sleep patterns, etc. Initially, these frameworks offered a sense of organization, but I quickly realized that my baby had other plans. The societal expectations I once clung to became impractical as my child refused to conform to any schedule.

Instead, I learned to embrace my child’s unique developmental rhythm. This shift allowed me to create my own parenting narrative—one that didn’t follow a standard timeline. For me, this meant breastfeeding for as long as needed, waiting until my child was ready for independent sleep, and potty training at his pace. Prioritizing his needs over my social commitments may seem unconventional, but it has made me a happier parent.

3. Releasing Anxiety About Screen Time

I once vowed, “Once I’m a parent, my child won’t watch TV.” How naive I was! I tried to limit screen exposure, but as my son became more active, I found it increasingly challenging to manage my well-being without some screen time. After introducing TV just before his second birthday, I grappled with guilt over whether I was making the right choice.

Aware of the potential negative impacts of excessive screen time on development, I had to reevaluate my views. I eventually let go of the guilt and considered how screens could be a beneficial tool in my parenting arsenal. I established some flexible family guidelines for screen use, such as limiting screen time to one hour a day, choosing age-appropriate shows, and co-viewing when possible. By engaging in activities post-screen time, I found it easier for my son to transition back to play, effectively minimizing tantrums. Embracing a “screen-lite” approach has allowed me to parent with more ease and less guilt.

4. Moving Beyond My Own Upbringing

There’s no manual for parenting; instead, we often revert to the methods we experienced as children. My own childhood was defined by the notion of being “seen and not heard,” which shaped my early parenting ideals. Although it might have been easier to follow this conventional path, I felt a pull toward a different approach.

Embracing gentle parenting demanded conscious effort. As someone who enjoys having control, learning to respect my son’s expressions—no matter how chaotic—was initially a struggle. This journey sometimes felt overwhelming, especially when faced with emotions I was taught to suppress. However, becoming mindful of my parenting style has fostered personal growth. My parents did their best, and choosing a different route is not a critique of their methods but a way to empower myself in motherhood.

Letting go of these four things has transformed me into a more present, confident, and unapologetic parent. Looking for more insights? Check out this resource on home insemination for additional support on your parenting journey. You can also explore Make a Mom for expert tips on family planning and pregnancy. For additional information, UCSF’s Center offers excellent resources related to pregnancy and home insemination.

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Summary:

The journey to becoming a better parent often requires letting go of preconceived notions, societal pressures, and personal expectations. By focusing on building a bond with my child, abandoning rigid schedules, easing my worries about screen time, and moving beyond my upbringing, I’ve transformed into a more confident and present parent.