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When I’m out with my energetic toddler twins, I frequently hear comments like, “You’ve got your hands full!” or “Double trouble!” What those people don’t realize is that it took over a year of fertility treatments, including IVF, to bring my two little ones into the world. Motherhood is a dream I cherish deeply, precisely because it was not an easy journey for me.
Infertility has provided me with invaluable perspective, for which I am eternally grateful. However, being a mom doesn’t erase the reality of my infertility. With my twins now two and a half years old, the question “Are you going to try for a third?” is becoming increasingly common. I often respond with a smile or a chuckle, but the truth is: the thought of going through the IVF process again terrifies me. This time, I know exactly what to expect.
Recently, my husband and I had our initial consultation at a new fertility clinic as we embark on our journey to welcome baby number three. We met with a Reproductive Endocrinologist, had blood tests done, and left the appointment feeling like seasoned pros. After all, it’s just a frozen embryo transfer — how hard can it be, right?
Fortunately, we still have nine frozen embryos from our previous IVF cycle, so our next step was to transfer them from our old clinic to the new one. We signed the necessary consent forms, picked up the embryos in a cryopreservation tank, and drove them to their new home, where they will remain until we are ready for the transfer.
As I sat in the passenger seat with my potential future child(ren) nestled between my legs, I felt tears well up. It struck me that this is an experience that those who conceive naturally never have to think about. Infertility doesn’t necessarily get easier the second time around; we simply grow stronger.
Despite having three years to process my infertility diagnosis and the accompanying trauma, the pain still lingers. After delivering our embryos to the new clinic, I scrolled through Instagram and stumbled upon a pregnancy announcement from a friend. It was her third pregnancy in four years, and while I am genuinely happy for her, it hit me hard. I felt a wave of sadness realizing that a “surprise” third pregnancy will likely never be in my future — a feeling that caught me off guard.
I’ve always envisioned having three children. Both my husband and I come from families of three, and we’re excited about the possibility of adding another child to our family. However, we are also cautious because we are all too aware of the challenges ahead. We know that IVF doesn’t guarantee success, that one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, and that fertility treatments can be all-consuming. The knowledge that this journey could end in heartbreak weighs heavily on our hearts.
Another concern is the unknown quality of our remaining embryos. We chose not to genetically test them during our first IVF cycle due to costs, and even at 28, some may be chromosomally abnormal, leading to failed transfers or miscarriages. We’ve contemplated genetic testing this time, but after consulting with our doctor, it seems the risks may outweigh the benefits, leaving us to hope for the best.
I’m uncertain when we’ll feel ready for the transfer again. Right now, it feels daunting. Yet, I am incredibly thankful for the nine opportunities to grow our family and feel blessed to have two healthy children at home. Infertility has taught me that it’s possible to feel sadness, gratitude, and fear all at once. We can celebrate others’ joys while mourning our own losses. Wanting a third child while fearing the IVF process again is a complex mix of emotions that coexist.
For many couples, including us, expanding a family is not as simple as trying to conceive. It’s a blend of hope and grief, anger and acceptance, fear and joy. It’s about navigating the rollercoaster of emotions that come with infertility, picking ourselves up day after day, and embracing whatever comes next.
I’m not sure how our story will unfold, but I do know that, no matter the outcome, we will be okay.