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Before I became a parent 15 years ago, I envisioned myself as the ideal mother—loving, patient, and always ready to answer my child’s endless inquiries. The parenting books I read (remember, this was before “Google” was a household term) emphasized that kids are naturally curious and that it is our responsibility to satisfy their questions. Failing to do so, they warned, could stifle their curiosity and leave them feeling lost.
While it can be tiring to respond to countless questions every day, I believed it was my duty to nurture my child’s inquisitive nature. So, I imagined I would be the kind of parent who patiently addressed every “why” thrown my way. I’d explain the reasoning behind household rules and work with my child to find answers to tougher questions without ever resorting to the dreaded “because I said so.”
However, recently, I’ve found myself occasionally shutting down my 15-year-old son’s persistent “why.” He’s a fantastic kid, and I truly cherish him. But he has started to use his questions strategically to wear me down when I say no to something he wants. The parenting literature had prepared me for the sweet, curious child, not for the teenage strategist who tries to manipulate my willingness to engage.
Negotiating Boundaries
Take, for instance, his recent inquiry: “WHYYYY can’t I be on the computer all day?” This question came during a designated screen-free time, a rule I have for both him and his 11-year-old sister. They enjoy plenty of screen time, but I require them to engage in other activities for part of the day. I explained the reasons behind this rule—mental health, the need for diverse stimulation, and the potential harm to their eyes. Yet, each reason was met with another “why,” framed as genuine curiosity.
This wasn’t a child seeking knowledge; it was a teenager trying to negotiate his way around my boundaries. After a few rounds of questioning, I suggested he could look up the studies on this topic when he was allowed back on screens. He groaned in response and gave up.
The Parent-Child Dynamic
As a parent, you usually feel aligned with your child, sharing in their joys and struggles. But sometimes, it feels like you’re in a boxing ring, each of you trying to outlast the other. I won this round, and while it may seem trivial, I recognized he was attempting to manipulate the situation, and I needed to show him that wouldn’t work on me.
While my pre-parent self had noble intentions about being the patient answerer, the reality of parenting is far more complex. I strive to be open with my kids about the rules I set, emphasizing that they exist to promote their well-being—health, happiness, safety, and success. My expectations are not arbitrary, and I aim to be authoritative rather than authoritarian.
Yet, I never anticipated that my sweet little ones would grow into teenagers who could weaponize my parenting techniques against me. Kids are clever, and part of their development involves testing boundaries to understand who is in control. This behavior is normal and does not reflect a deeper issue; it’s simply a part of growing up.
Adapting to Parenting Challenges
Ultimately, my pre-parenting ideals didn’t fully prepare me for the unpredictable nature of parenting. It’s a balancing act of responding to questions while also holding firm to boundaries, and sometimes, you have to find ways to surprise them right back.
If you’re interested in exploring more about the intricacies of parenting, check out this blog post for additional insights. For those considering home insemination, Make a Mom offers valuable resources and kits. Also, Hopkins Medicine is an excellent resource for understanding pregnancy and home insemination.
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In summary, parenting isn’t a straightforward journey filled with unyielding rules; it’s filled with surprises and challenges. While you may have good intentions, it’s essential to adapt as your children grow and test the limits.