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Since the onset of the pandemic, we have all been navigating heightened levels of stress. From the early days when even a trip to the grocery store felt like an ordeal, to the current situation where cases are on the rise and societal conflicts have intensified, it’s hard to find anyone who isn’t feeling the weight of it all. But for solo parents—individuals like me without a co-parent—this stress manifests in unique ways.
Let me explain.
I realize I owe my childhood friend a phone call. Truth be told, I probably owe many people a call. If you asked why I haven’t reached out, I would likely say I’m too busy. And that wouldn’t be a lie. As a solo parent working to rebuild my life and career while managing two tweens starting school amidst a pandemic, my to-do list seems endless. Just when I manage to make it more manageable, it expands again, much like the mythical creatures that grow more heads with each cut.
But the truth is, I haven’t called not just because I’m busy in the traditional sense. I’ve been occupied in a more profound way—trying to reassure myself that I’m not failing my kids at every turn. I’ve been focused on ensuring their safety and balancing their mental and physical health. Most importantly, I’ve been the sole decision-maker for our small family—from the significant choices to those that may seem trivial, second-guessing each one along the way.
This unique busyness of solo parenting is characterized by extreme decision-making fatigue. Parenting during a pandemic adds layers of complexity to every choice, consuming all my mental energy and leaving little space for anything else. After eighteen months of this overwhelming busyness, it’s no surprise that some things are slipping through the cracks—so many that it feels like those cracks have turned into craters.
This isn’t a plea for sympathy, but rather a request for empathy—a call to action for those who know a solo parent to reach out, even if that parent hasn’t initiated contact.
The distinction between empathy and pity can be subtle, but a recent text from a friend highlighted it perfectly. The message simply inquired, “Hey, how are you? Did you see this?” followed by a screenshot of an important communication from my child’s school. Unsurprisingly, I had missed that notification. This was one of many things that had fallen through the cracks.
The message brought tears to my eyes because it showed that even amidst my chaos, someone had noticed. This friend had reached out just when I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I responded with gratitude for her understanding, which was based on awareness rather than pity. Feeling seen in that moment meant everything.
To clarify, when I say solo parents need empathy right now, I am not suggesting that other parents don’t need it too. Recognizing the challenges of solo parenting within the context of a pandemic doesn’t diminish the struggles faced by those with co-parents.
I understand that you may not be able to reach out right now for your own reasons, perhaps due to tensions with a co-parent or the challenge of maintaining your own identity apart from parenting duties. Relationships require balance, and it’s natural for one person to need a bit more sometimes—especially during these unprecedented times. Solo parents might need a little extra support right now, and a small gesture of empathy can act as a crucial safety net for those of us feeling like we’re slipping through the cracks.
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Summary
Solo parenting during the pandemic brings unique challenges that extend beyond the ordinary busyness of life. These parents experience significant decision-making fatigue, which can lead to feelings of overwhelm and a sense of being unnoticed. Empathy is crucial during these times, as small gestures from friends can provide much-needed support.